Thursday, March 10, 2016

Should I Move on with my Life?

I have a relationship have kept for more than two years. The guy is not working for now but he's a graduate. I love him unconditionally, even though he got no job for now but I believe in him. We started having problems when I told him we should define the relationship, each time I came up with this, he will say he does not want to talk about that since he got no job then. My first question was, can lack of job prevent a relationship from being defined?

Five months ago, I noticed he has changed, he no longer calls as usual, he visits less and always online chatting with a particular person, he ignores my presence, I forced him to chat with me sometimes, he made and receives calls secretly, I asked him and he said nothing. I was curious so I scanned through his phone and saw he was still sleeping with his Ex girl and the person he chats online, I got the phone number, stored it in my phone and monitored him. Anytime the lady is online, my guy will be online, when she goes off, same with him, even when am online insisting we chat, immediately she leaves, he will go off.
Knowing these, I asked him what's going on, he said she's a friend. It continued like this and I kept complaining that I was not comfortable with that and he's hurting me, even at my presence he will be chatting with her. Am confused, I love him so much. If I ask him if he still loves me, he will not say yes or no but rather say I should relax. I asked if he wanted to break up with me and he said this "don't you think loving me was a wrong decision you have taken? You are not getting younger anymore so the same way you fell in love with me, you can do same to another man, any intimate relationship, let me know, I got no job so I can't take care of you, I want you to have a better life and be happy". He said all these to my face after knowing how much I love him. There's this weak point I have, I hate when I ask a question or demand to have an idea of something and am being ignored, it gets me up set, he likes doing this knowing ever since we started having issues knowing I hate it and as such will react to it, so that he can use it against me. What should I do? His action tells me that his heart is somewhere but he refused to open up.

He involves his friends and family on each misunderstanding we have, painting me bad in their face, I will greet his friends or family members, they will respond as to a stranger on the street. From his actions, he no longer values the relationship, have tried talking to him but he wouldn't say anything about it, he will say "I don't want to talk about that please". I don't know weather to let him be and move on with my life but I love him so so much. Or to keep holding on to shadow cos am not receiving any more love from him. What should I do? Advice me please . Am sorry it's lengthy but I really have to open up to you.

You are too beautiful and blessed to be a burden to another man. The painful thing about hanging out with a man who is confused is that you deprive yourself of the man who genuinely wishes to spend the rest of his life with you.
I was scratching my head so hard to know what you exactly love in a cheat, confused, irresponsible, and purposeless man who have wasted your life and perhaps having sex with you.
From his body language and his words it's obvious that you are not even holding onto his shadows nor does he have any plans with you whether past, present and future.
The best decision for you to make now is to accept the fact that you love him so much but since both of you don't share the same values, convictions and vision in life, you can't continue to waste your time, emotions and resources begging to be accepted, appreciated and respected by a man who is busy with another lady.
Since he already knew that loving him was a wrong decision, it's time for you to brace yourself and do what is right for yourself and for your happiness and fulfilment in life and destiny.
Entrust everything to God and allow him to guide you in helping you find the man who loves you and appreciates your personality.


  1. U better move on wit d speed of light..d man is a waste! Sorry to say

  2. Be brave and move on with your life..God will send you ur true partner..

  3. Na wah o o nne!
    Do I need someone who will encourage u to stay?
    This guy has spelt it out to u in words and character, why impose urself on him.

  4. Dear. I understand you. I've been in a similar situation but my guy wasn't cheating or jobless. I just felt he didn't place value on the relationship.
    In this thing ehn... You are blinded. That's the plain truth.
    My advice for you is:

    1. Walk away. Just give the guy space. Don't talk to him. Don't pick his calls. If you see him on the road just wave. No need for hugs. It will be bloody hard in the beginning but you will get over it.

    2. Go and find things that make you happy cos I'm even sure you have forgotten how to make your self happy while chasing after this dude and trying to make him happy!

    3. Make friends. Chances are you really like him cos he's also someone you talk to or whatever! Delegate all the attention he's been giving you or you have been giving him to other friends...

    4. Go out on dates! You and this brother are not exclusive. Go out on dates with men that ask you to. Go to the movies. Go for nice dinners. Hang out with other dudes (But be careful. The days are evil)

    5. Find books and other materials (like videos or messages) to help build more confidence in yourself. Don't take bullshit attitudes from men/ women. Improve your esteem. Love yourself. That way no one can mistreat you.

    6. Figure out what you want from a relationship and life in general. This will help you with future decisions...

    This man may come back and he may not. But then it will be your decision and on your own terms! And if he does anyhow again! Kick the nigga out!

    Cos it's no longer about this man or any other man. It's about you and how you feel with whichever dude. If it don't feel like the relationship you desire... Kick the nigga out!


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