Saturday, April 30, 2016

Am I Being too Hasty?

Aunty Amara, God bless you for all the good work God has been using you to do here. Aunty please would you advice me to marry a man who has great dreams "with his mouth" , who won't make a move (that I can see), to actualize it? I love this man, he's nice , caring and patient, but I can't see a MAN in him. He's an engineer by education...He also studied Physics as second degree (not working), but managing the family business which isn't doing well.
In fact his father has no value for him, even though he has sacrificed a lot for the family, given up soo much (including his own settlement ) for his siblings. His dad has more regard for his apprentice than him, and the dad doesn't fail to flaunt it publicly. I don't know if he feels his son spends money on me because I'm not bad looking (please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be vain).
I've encouraged him to start his own business (of which I'm willing to provide capital), he doesn't seem interested by action, but by mouth. okay, get an office job na, no show. I'm getting tired of waiting for him any longer (I have been waiting for two years now).
Sometime this year, their last child (his younger brother - they are just three siblings ), gave him some money, instead he channeled it into the family business. He still stays with the family of which I've begged him to get his own place and I will support with the rent but rather today he's willing to, tomorrow he's not.
But he's a very wonderful man and I love him but I'm scared this will continue even if we manage to get married. Or am I being too hasty? Cos I know he wants to settle down with me.

You are in a relationship with a disorganised man who has no self vision, self will and the focus to decide what to do with his life and become independent as a man. 
He may be a nice, loving and a caring man but my fears is that even if you manage to push him to get married to you or do your bidding today by the incentives and the soft landings you have given to him, you may continue pushing him for the rest of your life as long as you are with him. 
Instead of influencing his decisions and his convictions, maybe you should give him some space and let him know your purpose for doing so, so that he can decide for himself what to do with his life. 
At the end of the day, you need a man who is really a man, responsible, visionary, self-willed, organised and mentally mature for marriage. Marriage is not a tea party where wishes turn into miracles, everything is worked out, everything is planned and partners make conscious decisions and efforts to make their marriage what they desire it to be. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)