Monday, April 25, 2016

Should I Inform my In-law about what Transpired?

Dear Aunty Amara,

My name is A***, I recently got married to my wife this year.

I found out recently that she had not disclosed everything to me as regards her past so I started asking questions (I am this kind of person that is so inquisitive in nature) and to my greatest surprise, she revealed she had once been raped by a man who is supposedly a family friend (A son of her dad's friend)

This animal in human clothing started out by gaining her trust then took advantage of that, though he later apologised according to her. I asked if she briefed her father about the whole incident, she said NO due to the stigma attached to such situations.

I feel like keeping it to myself though it hurts, but if this should go unattended to, other innocent ladies could fall victims, I feel like its important I informed my in-law about what transpired. I am in a dilemma on what to do. Please advise me.

Thank you

Considering the time frame of this event, informing her parents may not be perceived in a positive light. Though you may have genuine intentions and purpose for bringing this up, they may feel unhappy about that because they may feel that you are either complaining that she's not a virgin or that they failed to protect their daughter from being exposed to the man who raped her.
This why I may not encourage you to discuss your discovery with her parents. She must have told you this in confidence because you are now part of her life and she felt that she could not continue to bear such pains and humiliation anymore.
Instead of seeking to revenge or punish this man, let's release him to God and allow him to reward him for his action. On your own part, appreciate her and help her put that horrible past behind her so that both of you can enjoy your marriage. I hope that the experience won't make her feel rigid to you during lovemaking and I also hope that she has forgiven that man.
Forgiving him is what I feel is more important than any other thing else.

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