Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Should I Tell His Parents or our Pastor?

Amara, greetings to you. Please be patient to read through this. I believe God will use you to talk to me. Am married about five years now, with a daughter. I and my hubby have been living very peacefully until I noticed some things- he chats into the night, doesn't pick most of his calls if am with him, goes away ..like to the parlour, outside , toilet and door closed while making some calls or even leaving the compound entirely pretending to buy something.
Before now, that was two years ago while searching for something in our wardrobe, I saw packs of condom in his bag, and we have never used this. Confronted him, he said maybe some one wanted to set him up, and because of God I let go.
Again, some months later, he browsed with my phone and forgot to log out, when I wanted to use it, I saw what shook me that I cried- raw, dirty and sexy messages to strange women,(my sis-in-law was aware). In love and using the scriptures, I called him, as I started talking he picked offence, I quickly dropped the matter for the sake of peace.
Later, I asked him if there's something am not doing well that will cause him to be looking outside, he said there's nothing, I forgave him and let go.
This time, I have already made up my mind not to border myself, trusting he will handle whatever issues he has with women with discretion, cos I respect him a lot, but he betrayed me! I came across a chat with his mistress, and he was asking her when she will be available so they can hang out...that he wanted to know so that he will go ahead and book where they can check in!!! ..and this has been happening under my nose! The woman in question is someone's wife and a mother of two!
What do I do?
Have been praying. Have talked to him before now on the other ones that has happened, hoping we can settle every matter amicably and just between us, but it seems he doesn't want to change.
Never wanted a third party but I think it's time.
Now, should I tell my parents or his parents? Should I tell our pastor? Am very very heavy hearted now.
Thanks. Trust I will have a prompt response!

It's about time indeed but start by gathering all your evidences, copy the messages, get the name of this lady in question and if possible the probable hotel where they check-in so that you can have a documented and a comprehensive information about his cheating on you.
When you have gathered all these information, then sit him down and discuss (it's no longer about talking alone), of course he may want to defend himself or try to justify his privacy and his leadership. Kindly be patient with him and contain your emotions from attacking him or insulting him.
First, inform your family about what you are experiencing in your marriage, next inform his family about your pains and challenges. After that, I will encourage you to take a break from your marriage so that both of you and your families can come together and discuss this in details so that he can help everyone, make sense of his adultery.
Sometimes I'm afraid to encourage couples to meet pastors because some of them do not have the grace for counselling and some may end up destroying your marriage by not addressing the issues but the positions of the man and the woman,but if you are convinced that your pastor will be able to tell him to truth as plain as it is, then you may also consider that.
I would rather suggest a counsellor who he will listen to and respect, and someone who will not be economical with the truth.
You don't just pray and ignore the obvious lapses in your marriage,you must also address issues as they are, shout it, scream it, say it as long as it's affecting your marriage and you're fast losing your marriage to strange women.
Prayers is a great weapon but there must be a place for mutual commitment and communication for your marriage to stand. Ignoring the obvious in the name of desiring a peaceful home or to avoid having any misunderstanding with him will only give him the room to perhaps bring women into your own home and the audacity to do anything without considering your emotions and feelings.
From your mail it's obvious that your husband is only living with you to fulfil all righteousness but his heart is elsewhere, you need every approach that will remind him what marriage truly is and help him return back home.

1 comment:

  1. Worst feeling is seeing whom you have decided to spend the rest of your life with cheating on you. ..For the sake of your daughter be patient with him but you know you can't kill your self for him, you need to stay alive for your daughter, in all, you need wisdom, ask God for it.


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