Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Haven't Talked for Three Months!

Hello aunty Amy, accept my condolences. Please I need your thoughts on this issue. After I found out that my husband is cheating on our vows, I seems to have lost respect for him. The worst is that he demands it saying that whatever he does, I must respect him, that he married me with his money.
On several occasions whenever I find an evidence of infidelity against him and approach him, he either leaves the house or dose off to sleep without giving me any explanations. In short, he sees it as an opportunity to chat with his numerous girlfriends on WhatsApp. This was the man I gave my virginity which I worked so had to keep till I married him. The last time I found out he bought a body cream for his girlfriend I asked him, he completely denied it, meanwhile I saw a message that she sent to him telling him the name of the cream she wants.
When I asked him whom he bought the cream for, he asked me who gave me the right to go to his bag. This is the man who doesn't even know the name of the cream I use. I was so heartbroken, since then it has been from one issue to another. For the past three months we no longer talk to each other, when I greet him in the morning he won't answer and I have decided to stop greeting him. All he does is eat and leave the house and when he comes home he starts chatting with his phone, I would only be hearing sounds of messages, he would chat till 4 or 5am and I don't have much friends on WhatsApp so what I do is play the notification sound on my WhatsApp so that he thinks I'm receiving messages.
As things are now all I wish I can do is to give him space but we are in a far away land, I don't even have enough money on me yet and my kids' papers aren't okay yet so it's difficult for me to leave. He feels like I'm suffocating him nags at any little thing I do. Is it the right thing for me to apologise to him for cheating, (not counting the numerous times I have seen his erect penis he sends to strange women including his ex girlfriend who even lives next to my street, he told me they are no longer together yet they share nudes)and as it is now if I don't kneel down and apologise to him, we will continue this quarrel till God knows when and he sees it as an opportunity for freedom because he knows I won't bother him.
I have called his family members especially my mother-in-law who promised to talk to him but till now I haven't heard anything from them. I am really frustrated and if I continue living like this, I will develop high blood pressure.
Please how do I go about this? It seems God has given a deaf ears to my prayers and lamentations. Thanks as I patiently wait for your response. Remain blessed.

I personally feel your pains and inner struggles in your marriage. It's no longer news that the devil is fast destroying every fabric and the foundation of your marriage but will God really give a deaf ears to your groaning, wailing and sobbing? Not the mighty in battle, not the faithful father, not the Almighty God, certainly not the everlasting king. 
The truth is that this battle is not what you can fight by praying, checking up on his phones, interrogating him and fighting a cold war in your marriage. 
The time is ripe to involve your families, and your kindred into this crisis. You need to plan towards returning back to your family because praying for him will only drain out your emotions and make you feel that you are losing this battle with the devil and that God is not responding sooner than you expected him to.
To start with, please make peace with your husband not necessarily because you were wrong and he was right but solely because you want to be at peace with God and your husband, and you want to purge your heart of any evil thoughts, plans or arrangements to revenge or frustrate his life. 
Choose the path of forgiveness so that you can release your heart from the burden that has weighed you down ever since you realised that your husband is not faithful to you. 
Then plan and organise yourself, you don't need to attack him, investigate into his private life and phone conversation. Instead gather all your evidences and facts about his infidelity and with the women who he has been sleeping with, get all the erect penis and erotic images he shared with other women, then proceed to perfect the visa application for your children so that you can take them with you when you are ready. 
The idea is that until his family and your family sit down to deliberate on his attitude towards you and the marriage, he will never see the need to respect and at least consider your feelings and emotions in all his endeavours. 
That he married you with his money doesn't in anyway give him the authority, audacity and the right to expose you to sexually transmitted infections, expose your home to strangers, share everything that ought to be private with the public and at the same time torture you emotionally and psychologically. 
In the interim, please minimise the manner in which you argue with him, do not disrespect him or allow your emotions to get the better part of you, let your fighting and your screaming be on your knees and not in your lips. 
Work towards empowering yourself, equipping yourself with all that you need to take good care of your children and yourself so that if separation becomes the only option that will help you and your husband find a lasting solution to this, you won't struggle in taking care of yourself and your children.
Please do not be deterred or be discouraged, this battle won't consume you and your children and one thing I can assure you is that God is not dead and he will never forsake you, not now, and never will that be your testimony.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)