Tuesday, May 3, 2016

I Feel Caged!

I'm 23 years old. I've been married to my husband for a year and one month now but ever since we got married, things have not really been easy for us starting from the fact that there is no issue yet. I've forgiven him for the past hurts in during this first year so I don't want to go back to it to avoid pains.

But I really want my marriage to work at all cost. My husband don't encourage/permit me to do anything that makes me happy. I feel caged and anytime I talk to him about it; I am being referred to as an ingrate. I'm not permitted to step out of the house; not even to the market without his consent. If he ain't going to Church programmes, I have no right to do so. I'm not perrmitted to join any society or group in church. I'm currently undergoing my National Youth Service but I've never participated in anything, I only go there for clearance and with him. I've been forced to do so many things out of my will just to make him happy and in the end; he doesn't appreciate....

I've out of anger spoken to him but always regretted in the end. I've been banned from parental and sibling communication. I call my parents at his back and delete the calls before he comes back because he goes through my phones to know who I called and who called; I'm equally guilty of that but have recently stopped because going through his phone has only brought me pain.

I only become an "anti-virteous" woman when he steps on me so hard that even tears can't suppress the pain. Please help me because I love him so much and want my marriage to work. Thanks

Your husband doesn't have any iota of trust and confidence in your personality and respect for your feelings which is the reason why he has caged you and ensured that you don't breath under his roof. 
What he's trying to do is to suppress you, and make sure that you lose your self esteem and personality in his bid to make sure that you are loyal to him. 
It could be as a result of his experiences with other ladies that he felt that every lady is a "wayward and loose" and to him, the best way to protect what he has invested heavily in is by making sure that you don't have a voice or an opinion in his life and home. 
What's more disturbing is the fact that you cannot talk to your family and siblings. And I feel that you cannot enjoy your marriage under such a military regime. If for any reason you have done anything in the past to make him suspect and be worried of your faithfulness to the relationship, I feel that he should at least give you some sense of belonging and carry you along in his vision instead of abusing you psychologically and emotionally. 
I still feel that both of you must sit down and iron out your marriage, if possible please involve your family or the pastors so that he can at least give you a breathing space in his life. 
Personally I can imagine how choked and trapped you are in your marriage and I can only imagine what it will be like for the rest of your life. 
I have no idea why he feels that giving you the privilege to be yourself will make you not to be a virtuous wife to him but whatever be the reason, it's not healthy for your marriage. 
Both of you need to talk things through and then let him know how you feel about everything, so that you don't end up becoming a robot to him. 


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  3. Is that marriage or prison?
    Can't you tell your people whenever you secretly call them?
    It's well ooooooooo

  4. My dear u de try o. Acting like dis for de past one year? Hmmm u try o.

  5. Gather the courage to face his authority before you get used to it. And if you do, then it will ruin your future and destroy your inner strength as well. Life will become like hell for you. Please involve your family in this matter to avoid separation from your husband.

  6. Sweetheart take it to the Lord in prayer,who is able to change and soften peoples hearts. becoz u also have to think of the future,u have to be innovative now..coz if u ar not, yo life wil totally depend on him, and once he dies..you wil find it hard to stand on your on becoz of yo present situation...I'l also encourage you to read Fascinating womanhood,which wil help u to awaken yo husbands love for you.


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