Monday, May 30, 2016

My Husband Abandoned Me!

Dear Amara please I really need your advice because am troubled, unhappy and sad.. I got married on January this year to my husband and ever since then it's been from one problem to another.. Am 23 years and still waiting for my NYSC..
My hubby stays outside the country, he hardly caters for my needs and he complains a lot, cursing me at every slightest thing anytime I tells him about my needs.. Am pregnant and stays alone here in Nigeria..
When he was still asking for my hand in marriage I told him that I don't want to live a lonely life by staying alone here in Nigeria.. He promised not to leave me that he will process my papers when he comes back but he never did.. I asked him for feeding money that I don't have anything to eat and he started abusing me.. He refused to call me for three days after which he called and told me to pack my things and go back to my village that he is no longer interested in the marriage that am not his type, that he will make me suffer. He said a lot of negative things to me that I have been crying since.. The worst is that my dad is late and my mum in the village can hardly feed herself let alone of me..
I went to school with contribution from different church members and cousin.. Am so confused, sad and heart broken. I never knew that I will end up in such a marriage.. I have always wished for a happy home with my husband and kids but right now I don't even know who my husband is and he is far away..
I have called his parents severally and they have refused to pick my call.. Please advice me, I am so devastated even in this my condition.. I hardly feed well. . Every night I can't sleep, I keep crying and regretting. Please aunty help a sister out.. Hoping to hear from you soon.. Thanks..

Since he has paid your dowry and fulfilled the traditional wedding obligations, it means that his family and your family had a mutual agreement to support this marriage. 
Though painful that you fell for abroad scam, you can prepare yourself for the arrival of your baby while you hope that things will change with time. It's possible that he was forced to get married to you so that you can bear a child for him here while he's abroad enjoying the company and love of another lady who perhaps have children for him. 
Return back to your family and plan with your kindred to pay a visit to his family and demand for financial support especially for your pregnancy and your health. And also intervene in your marriage by compelling your husband to return and make amends where it's necessary. They might suggest that you live with his family but that depends on how comfortable you feel that you are with them. 
Let your major concern be to get the basic needs now and enrol for antenatal programme to help you prepare for the arrival of your baby. If you are not in the right frame of mind for the national youth service programme, you may need to defer it and consider skills, vocational training and businesses that can yield some income that will cater for your needs to avoid any emergency or challenge when you are due for delivery. 
It's quite a painful and a difficult challenge but one thing that you must hold onto is that you are not alone and this challenge will never consume you. He might feel that he has gotten the better part of you but God is still faithful to reward everyone for their actions and inaction. 
If after delivery he still insists on terminating the marriage, kindly file for the divorce of your marriage and move on with your life. One of the most terrible marriages is one where one partner impregnates the lady and then travel to another country to starve her and frustrate her with his attitude. 
But please do not starve yourself of healthy meals and healthy state of mind to avoid collapsing or having any complications during pregnancy.


  1. May God see you through my dear sister and grant you safe delivery when you're due. . .
    Men can be so mean!!!

    Ma'am Amara, I sent you a mail since 10th of this month but hasn't gotten any reply. Please kindly reply me I beg of you. . .

  2. As much as this situation is unbearable for her, ladies equally have to learn from all of this, it might be possible that when this guy was coming around and I want to believe the courtship didn't last long, there must have been a man who may have equally been showing interest but the"ABROAD THING" may have made you to turn some of them down, just do what amara has asked you to do in terms of reaching out to your kinsmen so they can reach out to his family, but for the family of your husband not to even take your calls goes to show some how you went into this marriage against all odds, do what she has asked you to do and let's be hopeful something good will come out of it. But a lesson for all, it is high time we pursue REAL LOVE and stop all this chasing of material things


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