My Husband Changed to a Monster!

Dear Amara,
I have being married for fourteen years. I would not say it has been plain sailing. However I knew it was for better or worse. I have five children for him. We live in Europe and he has been finding it difficult to get a job. I have worked, supported him through education and other ways. Lately I invited his mother to come stay with us, since I was close to her.
Since she arrived, my husband changed to become a monster. For the period since 2012 to 2015, he did not perform his duties as a husband. I saw the handwriting on the wall and decided to do things on my own. He was in a relationship and never had time for me. He finally left the family home in 2015. For the past seventeen months no communication or support to the children. Then I heard rumours that he went to the extent of trying to marry another girl.
When I confronted him, he said he is no longer interested in the marriage and I should move on because he had moved on. Initially I prayed and cried and grieved as though someone died. However on reflection I discovered he has no love for me or the kids. Now I hate him with a passion and am seeking divorce. Am I justified as he has not made any contact with me or the children, no financial or physical, and I heard he has a good job.


I must commend you for your sacrifices, your determination against all odds to give your best to your children and make your marriage succeed. It is only a woman of virtue and character that could have endured all these years even when you had many obstacles and limitations challenging your convictions in your marriage.
I may not know the options and ways you have tried to help your husband understand that he has a great role and responsibilities to play in supporting you and giving your children the very best that both of you can afford.
But I am suggesting that you explore every available options and avenues to sit down with your husband and pour your heart to him. Let him know how you feel about your marriage, all you have heard, all that you need and all that you feel needs to be addressed for your marriage to succeed.
Even if getting a good job maybe difficult for him, what about starting up a business with your support so that he can assist in taking the responsibilities at home.
If he's not willing to consider any options or ways to make your marriage work, please consider getting the services of a counsellor or a pastor or an elder who he will respect and listen to, and plead that he or she intervenes in your marriage and possibly help him understand that running away from his responsibilities will never make him have the peace of mind or be happy.
If that option fails, then it will be right for you to consider involving your families, so that they can invite him and find out why he's no longer interested in continuing with the marriage. Whatever becomes the outcome of this will go a long way to encourage you to take any action that you feel is in the best interest of your life, children and your marriage.
I may not encourage you to seek divorce immediately because I cannot make conclusions based on hearsay or conclude that he's done with the marriage because he stopped communicating with you.
But if you have concrete evidence of his getting married to another lady and you are no longer comfortable and emotionally willing to continue with the marriage, instead of punishing yourself or frustrating yourself, I will rather suggest that you consider separating from him and organise yourself for whatever decision that you feel is in your best interest.