Saturday, June 4, 2016

I'm in Debt and Depressed!

Good evening ma, the Lord will continue to keep you, I really appreciate all your advice. Please ma I need your help, I have been married for five years. It has been up and down, my husband is cheating on me, I have seen different messages on his phone, at times he will be by my side sending messages to his girlfriend that he dreamt about her, he love her so much and all that.
Yesterday, I saw on his phone chatting with three different ladies, he promised to pay house rent for one and he never gives me money. I pray for him always that God should bless him and God has been faithful. If I ask him for anything for the children and what we need at home, it's quarrel, he will give me N5000 for a month for everything we need at home with two children.
He doesn't know how I live, if we are going out together and people comment that am beautiful, he will say haa am the one eating all his money, is only those that are close to me that know am suffering. People always envy me that am enjoying, my husband is rich, he doesn't know how I make my hair and meet all my needs. If my sister give me money, he will be angry and he doesn't allow me to work.
My sister gave me some money, I started selling jewellery, he was angry that I must stop, he said he has gone to pray and they told him that I am a successful lady that if it's small thing I do that I will be rich and richer than him, that it is not possible for me to be richer than him.
Am dying, am owing so many people, I don't know what to do. I have prayed, am a born again Christian, I don't have the heart for adultery, please ma I need your advice.

The first thing I will encourage you to do is, avoid his phone, stop checking up on his phone. This is not necessary because you don't have the right to do so, but because you can't overcome the demons in his phone but you can win your husband and address anything that might be a challenge easier than you will do checking his phones, reading his messages and online conversations. 
Though you may feel worried and disturbed by what you read from his phone, which is normal, but I will encourage you to look beyond his conversation with strange women and consider what could be missing in your marriage. 
If two individuals are responsible for how their marriage turns out, it then means that there's something that you can do or not do to make your marriage what you desire it to be. 
Take your time, deepen your conversation with him, shift from nagging and complaining to enquire, study, pray and understand his personality so that you can use all the information you have acquired to strengthen your marriage and resolve some issues confronting your marriage. 
From your mail, it's obvious that your husband is a wonderful man who is emotionally insecure about you becoming more successful than he is and as a result is oppressing you and making it look as though he's helping you. 
It's very disturbing but I won't be the one to tell you what to do because you are the one who knows him much more than I do. Needs and the challenges of marriage can be managed when couples synergize to solve their problems and provide the basic needs of their home, but when it becomes a sole proprietorship kind of marriage, it can be challenging, suffocating and humiliating to say the least. 
As for the financial needs in your home, you simply can't get your hands burnt for him to be happy. You need to plan with what you have been given and provide what his money can afford. Stop collecting money from friends and family to take care of the food and the needs of your children, it is wrong and not encouraging. 
If he's not comfortable with your plan to start up something, then kindly make your request known to him. He should be providing at least N50,000 for your upkeep and the running of the family. He can't tie you down and starve you, that's not what marriage is about. 
It's great to pray and have a personal relationship with God, it's even greater to apply wisdom and understanding in relating with your husband because for your marriage to stand and succeed, you need more than prayers and fasting and that is why you should not allow some things to continue just because you are afraid of opening up and helping him realise how your marriage can be strengthened through synergy and mutual commitment.

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