Tuesday, June 14, 2016

I Feel Like Quitting Marriage!

Good evening ma, I am a lady of 26 married to a man of 39 since october 2015. Although during our courtship he told me he was once married and has two boys (twins) but his ex wife ran away from his house and married another man.
Later in February this year, during the funeral of his grandma, I discovered he had four kids from two different women, the ex wife gave birth to a girl and two boys( the twins) and he had a girl child from another lady before he got married to the ex wife.
Well I was not happy knowing this but I had to move on cos we are already married. Now what is eating me deep is that he brought the three kids the ex wife had home together with his sick mum, now business is not going fine for him and he cannot cater for the family needs. I am the one feeding the whole family with my little salary of less than N20000. Most times we eat once in a day cos my little salary can not sustain the large family.
Now I look tattered because I hardly make my hair, even can't afford my soap and cream again, I look like someone who has had all the children in the world while I have not given birth to even one. A times I feel like quitting because the load am carrying is too much on me but am already pregnant for him. A times I ask myself after suffering for these kids, won't they turn their back on me and face their mum who is enjoying her life now in future? Please ma, advice me on this, am really going crazy.

We need to address the foundation of your marriage because not all marriage were established in a solid foundation of truth, love and mutual commitment that will make your marriage stand the test of time. 
Your marriage was established in lies, deception, and manipulations. He can't claim to he had two children and then you move in and see four children in your home. That is not proper and should not be waved aside.
You were meant to investigate and ask very important questions about his personality, past relationships and marriage during courtship which would have helped you in preparing for your marriage. 
Since he decided to bring his children and his mother in your home, he must as a matter of necessity provide the money that you need to take care of them and yourself. You cannot get your hands burnt trying to provide for everyone while you starve your growing baby of the essential nutrients that your body needs for his development. 
You must sit down with your husband if you feel that you are cool with everything and discuss about the feeding with him, in a situation where he doesn't wish to assist you financially to cater for their needs, please return back home and take good care of your health and pregnancy. 
You are not doing yourself any favour by eating once in a day nor are you doing your baby any good. So you need to brace up and let him know that you cannot continue in this manner because financially it's not feasible for you to cater for their need with your stipend.
If you know that you cannot function in the environment where you have found yourself, don't just move on because you are afraid of what people will say because you will be setting yourself up for disaster. 
Whether his children will appreciate your efforts or not is dependent on how their father treat you in their presence and how you were able to meet their own needs in your home.


  1. It is true that your marriage was built on lies, but it is left for you too decide whether to continue or not. Is your husband sincerely repentant and has he apologised for deceiving u?. If u still want to continue, brace youself up for the challenges because the children are there forever. When you do good to them, don't do it in expectation of future rewards. Their mother may reap in the future, but u will reap in eternity. Even if they bless their mother, if u treat them like urs, they will remember you and the Lord won't forget your labour of love. Look for a skill or business to supplement, it will be difficult because of your condition. Whenever u get ur allowance, pls buy supplements n vitamins FIRST before thinking of the family needs. The Lord is ur strength

  2. Some men are not just worth the time and stress, I tell you.

  3. i believe this was the same attitude that cheesed the formal women away. he onlt told you its their fault(that was not true). 20k with this current economic situation.
    i am even confused of what advice to give. this issue pass niger delta Avenges own


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