Thursday, June 2, 2016

Is Marriage Trade by Barter?

Good day ma, accept my condolence on the death of your father.
Ma please I have an issue that has been bothering me. I'm a girl of 23 years, have graduated, served, and currently looking for job. Have started learning skill on wire works and hall and event decoration. I'm from Imo State, from a family of five, we are an average family, dad and mum did all their possible best to see us through from the university.
I have a boyfriend of 28 years, lives in PH. He is a cinematograph, and he is doing well at his level; he is from Imo State too. Ma, the problem started when a man from my neighboring town based in Lagos, asked for my hands in marriage. He is rich, doing very well in business, but he is very much older than me. He is 44 years, and I don't feel anything for him, I don't love him.
But my parents keep on raising the issue every now and then, my boyfriend has proposed to me, but I'm afraid to let my parents know about it, cos they rejected him that he doesn't have a means of livelihood, that he can't cater for my needs and that of the family when kids start coming with his handwork.
Ma'am, honestly I don't know what else to do, I'm not free in the house to answer his calls, his name is not mentioned in my family, I don't like the way my parents take this training me in the university, as if marriage is now trade by barter. They want a rich guy, that drives, lives comfortably e.t.c. But Aunty, I love my boyfriend, and I'm ready to stand by him at all cost. He has a good and bright future, hardworking and he is not a lazy man.
Please, what approach or method will I use for my parents to accept him. He wants to come and see them for Introduction. Thanks ma'am, as I anticipate for your response. God bless

Do not allow anyone or permit anyone to use you as a bait to make wealth in the name of marriage. Don't allow anyone to dictate your destiny or frighten you with their own perceptions. Please do not allow your parents to push you into getting married to a man who you cannot call your companion, your best friend and someone in whom you find happiness, peace and fulfilment in life and marriage. 
Yes you need a responsible partner, someone who can cater for your basic needs (food, shelter, clothing and security) but beyond that, you need a partner who makes you look forward to life, gives your reason to believe in yourself, supports your vision in life. You need a partner who you won't struggle to submit yourself to, someone who you see greater prospects in, someone who though may not have all the luxurious things of life, but you are contented in his efforts and you are willing to grow in love, financial capacity and spiritual life with him. 
Marriage is never and will never be a trade by barter so don't allow anyone to use you as a commodity. If you have found that man in your partner, please talk to a family elder, someone in your kindred, someone in your family who is wise, unbiased and honest with the truth. Someone who will talk to your parents and they will listen to him or her and give their blessing to you. 
After that approach and they still refuse, consider talking to their spiritual figure, like a pastor or a priest, someone who they respect and listen to (hopefully in their place of worship) and open up to him so that he can intervene on your behalf. 
I am hopeful that before you could have gone through this two approach, they will reconsider, but where they still insist on forcing you to get married to a man you don't love, give them some time, pray about it and don't compromise on your convictions. 
Your partner must support you and pray along with you so that God will perfect all that concerns you and your partner. Then you may need to work towards leaving your parents house for your own apartment so that you can develop yourself and at the same time breath and organise yourself. 
Don't fight physically against them, don't use pregnancy to convince them, don't exchange words with him and for the mean time, schedule your calls at night or when you're outside the house or your parent's reach or use code words when discussing with your partner. 
Their concerns should be about your happiness and fulfilment as a lady in your marriage and not to be used as a soft target to get money for family needs, that's not what God ordained marriage to be.

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