Thursday, June 23, 2016

What Should I Do to Make our Relationship Lovely?

Good day ma.
I have been in a very unhappy relationship, most times I feel it's my fault or his but every move to bring things to normal has been impossible because he has refused to cooperate. Some time this year, he asked that we should go see his parents and pastor that he wants to show them the girl he wants to get married to. I reluctantly went cos I have not told my parents anything about him yet.
They accepted me and plans were made that he would have to speak to my mum first to get along before coming to see my parents. This happened three months ago and ever since we went to our different locations, he has never inquired to know what my parents said or if I told them about him already.
Fast forward to last week, his pastor called just to exchange pleasantries and asked if he has spoken to my mum yet after I visited his parents. I told her he has not even asked anything as regards to that and I don't know what he's up to.
She called him and cautioned him, he got very angry at me for saying I didn't know what he was doing to which I apologised. He still called me back to question me on why I didn't tell him before telling my mum about him as if he took permission from me before telling his parents about me, and saying he never agreed he was going to speak to my mum.
After much arguments he said that he had plans of talking to her but not any time soon. That he planned towards end of the year, whearas I once told him that I can only tell my mum about suitors who are serious, so why did I tell her about him? Ma, can you please imagine?
Just last month he lied to me he was going to visit a male colleague, when he came back from his outing, I found out he visited a female friend I don't know about in her house. I confronted him, what he had to say was' I can also visit my male friends in their houses, he doesn't have a problem with that', as he can't chase away his female friends because he's in a relationship with me, that they will feel somehow since he used to visit them before we started dating.
There and then I decided to call it quits with him since he cared more about what his friends would say to how I felt. He started begging and fell ill, but I told him to give me space to think about it. I called to check up on him and he told me he went to visit his parents.
Aunty Amara I told him to give her the phone so I can say hi to her, he vehemently refused! Not like I'm a random girl who just woke up from sleep and decided to speak to his mum. In fact after I met with her, she asked me to take her number from him so we can talk once in a while but I didn't want to rush things that's why I decided to make use of that opportunity to talk to her since he was home.
The next day when he was already on his way back to his base, he said that he's sorry for not giving her the phone, he didn't want her to feel like we are using her to make up.
My birthday was two days ago, he found it very difficult to upload my picture, when he finally did, he didn't put a status. Do you know his response when I asked why? 'It's not compulsory he wishes me a happy birthday on social media and he didn't want his side chicks to see it', to which he later said he was joking about the side chicks.
Maybe he's ashamed of me but still didn't acknowledge me, making it look like a random pix. He talks anyhow, jokes about everything even if the issue is very sensitive, he can get me very upset and instead of apologising immediately he prefers to laugh about it, hurt me before saying sorry and when I refuse to reply he turns it around that I have an unforgiving spirit.
The other day we were talking about different stuffs and I asked if he can wash his wife's undies when she's heavily pregnant and can't bend to wash regardless of she washes his undies, he said he would never do such, but he can have sex with her, even going to the saloon with his wife. We are far apart in reasoning. I love caring for my man and being cared for too.
He doesn't pet or encourage me, at a point I suggested your page to him so he can learn some certain things relationship wise and how to treat a woman, his response was that Amara Van Lare doesn't determine the success of a relationship. Ma, I love this guy and he says he loves me but has made loving him hell for me. Is it a crime for him to speak to my mum after I met his parents or treat me like a woman? Are there ways for him to be better? Really want this to work.
Sorry for the lenghty write up, I just wanted to be very explanatory. Thank you

If you must date a baby boy sorry man, please equip yourself with virtues of patience, perseverance, tolerance, selfless sacrifice and a big heart to accommodate and appreciate both the good, the not so good and the terrible attitude that he might display during the relationship. I have to also add that you should expect anything because like a baby boy, his desires, needs, and wants changes with times and different side chicks. 
From all you said, it's obvious that you're all over him, loving, sharing, sacrificing, enduring and praying that this boy of yours will grow into a man. It's a good wish and I am personally not against that but I must tell you that your love alone cannot make a relationship work, change his mindset and make him a responsible man if he's not mentally and emotionally prepared for the kind of relationship and commitment that you desire from him. 
For him, he's flowing with the rhythm of your heart and playing as much as he wishes because he doesn't really share the same convictions with you. While you want the whole world to know about your relationship, he's not comfortable with telling anyone about you because doing so will only put him in your cage and he's not prepared for such. 
To help you, please withdraw all these affection and keep yourself off from him. Stop playing the role of the man here unless you want to harvest a vegetable as a husband in the future. Let him be the man here, let him decide for himself what he wants in this relationship and guide you through it. 
If his pastor push him to do the right thing and you succeed in using your emotions to push him into your life, please prepare your heart to push him through everything you want him to do because the pushing won't stop anytime soon. 
Focus on developing yourself, engage in programmes that will bring out the best in you and stop begging to be loved, accepted, appreciated and celebrated by your partner. If he's into friends, let him stick with them while you move on with your life and trust God for your own man. If he's not forthcoming or prepared to commit himself to you, please don't force it, don't push it, simply let go and observe him from a distance.
Stop choking him with love, I mean even if he's the most handsome, you deserve more than a handsome man, you need a man with a great heart, a man with vision, a man who will stand by you and support you when you are in need of help. You need a real man, who understands what faithfulness, commitment and responsibility means and is prepared to grow in love with you, not a man that makes you feel like you don't deserve to be loved.
He's actually right that I don't determine the success of your relationship but please don't fail to seek the face of God to open your eyes and help you understand that you are so alone in this ship you call relationship before you get drowned wishing to be with him.


  1. My dear lady, my candid advice: don't expect too much from a man. He is a man, flesh and blood and not God. There is a big difference btw fantasy and reality. Pls allow this man to chase you and not the other way round. That man is not serious with you. He wants a better person and once he finds that person he will leave you. Don't you ever push a man to marry you, you will only live to regret it. Don't allow him to use you to satisfy his sexual desires. Be discreet and nice.

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  3. My sincere advice is Please take a break from the relationship. U need to clear ur head, tell him u need a break and when u comes around let him do the loving while you watch. Don't rush into marriage dear,


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