Thursday, June 23, 2016

What Went Wrong with Him?

Good day mummy Amara.. I bless God for the good works he's using you to do for mankind.
I'm feeling so sad and depressed right now; please help me out with your kind and candid advice.
I met a guy middle of last year via social network and he proposed the very first day we met and I accepted thinking he's just the picture of what he claimed to be. After the introduction, we fixed the wedding to hold before the year runs out; I never knew that this guy doesn't have any single savings.. He kept saying that business was bad and I was busy spending the little I earn on him and myself.
Anytime I visit (we don't live in the same state), I'll be the one spending. Cooks and even buys clothes for him just for him to look good thinking I was being helpful and looking forward to when things will turn around..
He later said the marriage will hold at the beginning of this year and it didn't hold either.. I even tried taking in for him to know if that will push him to be more serious but the pregnancy didn't come. After finding out that the guy didn't have anything, I concluded that it was God that never wanted me to be pregnant because I carried out tests on myself to ensure I'm okay and the results confirmed I'm perfectly fine. The worst part of it all was that all my friends that used to help me out each time I cried to them for help have all deserted me saying that my fiancé should be taking care of me.
One of them (my friends) that stays abroad persuaded me to leave the guy that he's just wasting my time. That he wants to be my lover, at a time I said no but later decided to give him a chance.
Note: I told my fiancé that I needed a break for the meantime before accepting to date this new one.
The problem I'm having now is that communication between me and this new guy is very poor; even when we talk, he's always talking of sex though he already said he's going to marry me when he comes back before the year runs out.
A day came and I was pushed to ask him if actually he wants a permanent relationship with me or a temporal one judging from the way he talks about sex; since then he refused talking to me again, over a month now he doesn't call nor reply my chats. I'm already deeply in love with him.
I'm deeply confused on what went wrong, please feed my spirit with the best advice. God bless you!

I know that a time comes in a single lady's life when all she yearn to hear is 'I love you and I want to marry you'. My fear is that many ladies throw caution to the wind and get themselves entrapped or entangled with a partner that may entirely ruin their life and leave them crushed and miserable.
Using pregnancy to cage a man is simply allowing your emotions and anxiety to get a better part of you and if you succeeded, you would have been shedding tears of pains, frustrations and regrets now, because you would have been the one providing for yourself, your husband and your baby. 
Meeting a man on a social media or anywhere else is not the issue, being able to examine his personality, understand his vision, purpose, plans for the future, and his mental maturity for a committed relationship or marriage is what indicates that you understand what marriage truly entails.
You just don't accept an engagement ring simply because they look beautiful, but you should also prepare yourself for your marriage and at the same time be able to ascertain your limit and capacity to avoid rushing into marriage like a stranger and rushing out like a thief.
At the point when you realised that you were no longer comfortable with the courtship, you don't request for a break and then go ahead and date another man. It only means that you are double dating because your partner is hopeful that after the break, that the relationship will be stronger and beautiful again. 
However if you wish to move on with your life and forget about him, you will ask for a break up and officially terminate the relationship so that you don't have to hide and pretend to be with him when you are already dating another man.
Don't let the promises of marriage from men deceive you into wasting your life waiting for a married man. That a man is living abroad doesn't mean that he's the most qualified of to marry you and because he was your friend in the past doesn't mean that he's still the same today.
Please don't allow any pressure to push you into getting married to a potential disaster in the future but be calm within, take things easy and entrust everything to God in prayers. Be patient, be hopeful, be positive and be honest with your expectations. Don't put your hope and confidence in men or in yourself but surrender everything to God, build a healthy friendship and let your life make a positive impact on anyone and everyone around you.
Please if you are no longer interested in continuing with the courtship, kindly terminate it and then organise yourself before venturing into another relationship.

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