Wednesday, June 8, 2016

He Refused to Move to the City!

Good evening aunty Amara, thank you for your good job, you have been a blessing to many especially me. Ma please I have a problem, am a young lady of 29 years, a graduate and not working yet but am into clothing business. Ma'am I have this guy I have been dating for years now, he proposed to me which I have been delaying because he's staying in the village since three years now after he had a problem of travelling abroad.
Ever since then he have refused to go back to the city and the worst part is that my mum and senior ones are discouraging me saying, how can I stay in the village instead of going to the city to search for job?
But ma I love him so much but I don't know how to convince him to go to the city or convince my mum but I know I love him and will like to marry him. Mum please help me.

My major concern is that you are dating a man who feels that he's already defeated, he feels that he can never succeed in life, he feels overwhelmed with fears and worries, and he's no longer motivated or inspired to try anything different since he couldn't fly out as he planned.
The problem with getting married to such a personality is the possibility of you to be the head of the house, be the one to take the responsibility of everything in the house while his duty will be to have sex.
This could be the reason why your family is discouraging you from getting married to him. Whether he chooses to go to the city or wishes to stay in the village, if he's no longer interested in going out and giving his best to take care of his family and children, you may end up becoming the burden bearer in your marriage and I seriously doubt if you will remember how much you loved him then.
Be guided, be wise, and make sure that you have weighed your options before deciding on what's best for you. While you can influence him to a large extent, you cannot push him to try something different if his mind is already seeing failure, disappointment, discouragement, and obstacles that he can't overcome.
Love is a beautiful feeling until it's tested by the realities of life and humanity, only then can you tell the capacity of your love and how much you can endure to groom your marriage.
If you are still convinced that he's the one for you, you can talk to a an elder in your family or kindred and plead for their intervention. You may also talk to your pastor or priest or someone that you know your parents respects, and will listen to so that he can talk to your them and plead on your behalf.
You don't need to fight with anyone or attack anyone, with dialogue, communication and intercession, your family will definitely bless you and support your desire to get married to him.

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