Monday, June 6, 2016

He Doesn't Satisfy me in Bed!

God bless you really good Ma. Please Aunty Amara I need your advice for I am very confused at the moment. My story is a bit lengthy, please bear with me. I and my fiance are both 29 years old, though I'm older than him with a few months, but that is not a problem.
I met him in February 2O16, he came asking for my hand in marriage. He wanted to pay my bride price as soon as possible cos of the fear of losing me to another man since he will be leaving the country soonest. But I delayed it and asked him to wait till next year Easter because I needed time to study him. I have met with his people and they all seems to like me even though am not same tribe with him and I do not understand their language. He is Igbo and I am Edo. I have not spoken to my parents about him but I intend doing that soon. My heart is troubled because I do not want to make a life time mistake.
Two major issues trouble me about him.

  • According to him, as a student he was bad, really bad. He was a bad cultist with strings of girls and smoked hard drug(igbo). After school, he renouced being a cultist, stopped smoking and changed. Changed location and took church and God serious. He really changed. But there was a day he came to my house sometime in April at night smelling igbo smoke (he went out with some people celebrating his new car). 

I was mad for I hate smokers because of what I experienced as a child. But I kept my cool because he was also drunk. The next morning, I vent out my anger, he explained, promised never to do it again and apologised. I forgave him.
Now my fear is "what if he goes back to smoking after marriage?"

  • I know that sex before marriage is bad and no amount of excuses can justify it. I did had sex with him. I did that because he is leaving the country in less than two weeks, to come back in December for introduction and he will leave again to come back Easter next year for wedding proper, so we pratically don't have much time together. I like sex and sexual satisfaction means a lot to me. He doesn't last long and his penis is small and before you know it he's already in Disney Land. 

At first I thought probably it may be because about four weeks ago he lost his mum and he donated blood to her before her demise, but Saturday again, it was the same thing. I do not know how to tell him without hurting his pride as a man. The fear of being never sexually satisfied after wedding grips me. Apart from these two, he is everything I want in a man and I do love him, I do want to settle down with him, what should I do?

If he has genuinely repented and turned his back from smoking, drinking and cultism, and he has devoted his heart to serving God and following his ways strictly and his word sincerely, smoking and drinking won't entice him anymore and no excuse will take him back to it. 
There is no way he will keep company of smokers, drinker and cultists and not return back to his old habits. 
While everything is going on fine with you within the four months of meeting with him, have you thought about what his travelling will do to his attitude towards you, have you thought about the effects of the influence of his friends and the new environment? 
Well I am not doubting his promises and apologies but I'm only raising concerns because he won't change in marriage if he hasn't changed before wedlock.
His penis size is not actually the reason why he lands in Disney land faster than the usual. It's possible that it could be psychological where he's too excited about sex and the excitement drives him faster to ejaculate within the shortest period of time. To help him, you could climb on top of him and take the "laws" into your hands, this will help him maintain a longer erection, help you enjoy sexual intimacy before he ejaculates. 
It's also possible that the sugar content in his system as a result of the alcoholic drinks and excess carbohydrates could be responsible for the quick ejaculation. It's also possible that the cholesterol level in his system also limits the blood flow to his penis thereby reducing his erection phase and increasing his ejaculation speed. 
It's also very likely that the substance that he smokes shuts off the hormones that ought to help him achieve a firmer erection that could last for a longer period of time. 
In all, your approach to this will determine his reaction to your concerns. Start by by appreciating his sexual prowess, let him know those things that he does that tickle you so much. Let him know those things that he did that took you to cloud nine and encourage him to always bring out the woman in you by caressing and romancing and sucking and kissing those spots as you crave for it. This will boost his confidence and make him feel like a star, then you may now ask him if he has any struggles or challenges during sex. 
Listen to him and hear him out, then pat him at the back and tell him that you noticed that he doesn't last long during sex and that you are worried about it. Ask him if that has been bothering him too, from his response, you can then ask use the tips that I have provided above to find out if he's under the influence of them so that both of you can work on it and enhance your sexual performance. 
Whether you choose to start having sex before you get married or you choose to wait until your wedding night, every couple must experience some form of challenge or discomforts during sexual intercourse and it only takes mutual communication, selfless devotion and the commitment to enhance your sexual intimacy for you to enjoy the beauty and the satisfaction that comes from having sex with your partner. 
So being sexually satisfied is not what you wish for, think about and then lie down and then wait for him to move your body until you're satisfied, it's actually what you give your heart to, talk about with him, encourage him, resolve every grey areas that may be a hindrance to your sexual intimacy and then open your heart and soul for both of you to explore and experiment with sex until both of you have discovered what works best for both of you. 
So you shouldn't panic yet because of his size or feel that you will not be sexually satisfied just because of the few encounter that you had with him, give him some time and communicate with him on this so that both of you can create the kind of sexual intimacy that you crave for.

1 comment:

  1. Abroad fiance again? He will travel soon, come back December for introduction and travel after that to come back Easter for another thing, and you say you're sexually active? Really? And you sincerely believe you'll keep your cool when he is not in the country for a long time? Or is he making plans to take you along with him? Be sure of what you want, seriously.


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