Monday, June 13, 2016

Scared that He Might Change!

I got married on 30th Dec 2014, am 25 and my hubby is 29....
My hubby was doing pretty well financially before we got married. After the wedding, things took a different dimension drastically, his business started collapsing, things were no longer the same,it became worst each day that passes by. I was praying, fasting, sowing seeds, doing a whole lot of things for God but yet the situation wasn't changing... My hubby was always down cos life was not fair to him and he is the bread winner of the family

Before we got married, he had to settle his siblings so they can have something doing.
He bought a commercial bus for the eldest brother so that he can use it to be making ends meet, rented a flat for him, then paid for two years for him ..

Then the second elder brother, he rented a shop for him, paid for two years and equipped it with goods, even bought generator, refrigerator and other things there for him
Then the younger brother and sister are with us here, he is training him and the younger sister in university.

Now that things changed, they refused to adapt, especially the younger brother, spending money on clothes, shoes, perfumes and other unnecessary things not minding the huge amount of money his brother spends in his school.

My mum came to my house two months ago for treatment, she's very sick, in fact she lost her sight( the both eyes) are bad
So she's been with me for treatment and the truth is that my hubby doesn't have money to contribute for her treatment, her brothers sponsored everything....

The point now is that recently my mother-in-law called me and told me to tell my mum to leave my house, that she has stayed enough when she is barely two months in the house.
She had to even call my dad to tell him that he should instruct my mum back home

She called me and said so many things to me like, she said that since my hubby got married to me, ill luck started following him and his business, that if my hubby dies, I should bury him in Lagos, that since my hubby married me, he stopped sending money the way he used to, he sends smaller amount now, that am the one telling him all he's doing.

She even went to the extent of calling my husband to tell him that he married bad luck, he used the money he was supposed to build mansion for her to marry an ill luck.
She told him that she went to church and they told her I brought the misfortune upon him, she said a whole lots of things to him.

My hubby came back that day after the call and was crying, though it was the younger brother with us here that feeds the mum with whatever is happening in the house.
Now my hubby is travelling home next week and I know the mum will like to feed him with nonsense and he loves the mum so much and also listen to her.

Am just scared that he might change after the visit, please ma advice me on what to do.
We haven't done white wedding, we only did traditional wedding and everything started

So the money for white wedding is not there for now. Am just scared that my hubby might start acting funny, or his people throwing me out.
My mother-in-law even told me that she doesn't want to ever see any of my family members in my house again.

Refuse to believe all the thrash that your mother-in-law said to you. You are not an ill luck to your husband, you are not a failure, you are not the reason why the financial fortunes of your husband was dwindling. 
There is no way that your husband will be married and still send money to his family as he did when he was single. The reason is simply because he now have an immediate responsibilities and obligations that he must meet up with. 
The real challenge is that you are married to a man who was financially capable then but was not emotionally and psychologically mature for marriage. 
He wanted to be seen as a good man, so he went into buying and doing everything for his family and never saved for his own responsibilities and the obligations to his wife. Of course there's nothing wrong with supporting his family and helping his siblings stand, but carrying such responsibilities that was beyond his financial capacity was what I feel that he was not adequately advised on how to manage it. 
The terrible part was when he now brought his younger ones to live with him and simply make you look like an additional house help to them, so there will be little or no respect to you, perhaps the privacy is no longer there and they've turned into gossip agents, feeding your mother-in-law with all manner of tales and then empowering her to talk to you anyhow, abusing you and threatening to flush you out within seconds. 
You need to brace up to the challenge, if your husband will listen to your suggestions, encourage him to write to me here for counselling or better still both of you should book for a counselling session with a counsellor so that both of you will be groomed on what marriage entails and how to balance the third parties and do everything possible not to allow the third parties to run your home. 
Your husband needs to understand that he's married and his first priority now is to protect you from the vicious attacks of his family and siblings, his second most important responsibility is to provide all the support that you need and then listen to your counsel and suggestions and not run to his mother for advice all the time.
Your husband needs to draw nearer to you and grow in love, understanding, wisdom and grace with you. He needs to organise his home and put his siblings in the right perspective so that you can at least breathe and sleep peacefully in your home. The only person to decide on what happens in your marriage is your husband and not your mother-in-law. 
So don't allow anyone else to intimidate you into believing that you are only there to milk their breadwinner empty as they might have gossipped about you.
Seek the face of God, hand everything over to him, don't worry about whatever his mother will tell him or let her threats get to you for any reason. If your husband chooses to humiliate you because of horrible counsel, then you may need to give him some space and time to enjoy his marriage with his mother and then return back home when he's done with his family.
I will advise you to work towards getting a court wedding even if he can't afford white wedding now so that you can have some legal documents to present as a married woman. 
Work towards getting something that will fetch some money for you so that you can also take care of your needs without entirely depending on your husband. You should be mindful of the things you share with your in-laws and the way you relate to them so that they won't use what you told them against you.
I believe that if your husband receives a Godly counsel, he will make a better decision and manage his family better than he's currently doing.

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