Saturday, June 25, 2016

He is Selfish and Stingy.

Good evening Aunty,thanks to God for using you to touch people's lives positively. My story goes like this.
Am married with a baby, three years of marriage and I have been begging my husband to give me capital to start up a business. I love business since I was single but he is always complaining of not having money, and since we got married he only helped my mum who is a widow twice with N20000 which I even have to talk to him time to time before he gave out the money.
Am a diploma holder and hoping to go back to obtain my degree in National Open University in November God's willing. My husband's salary is N130,000, I beg him even if it is N20000  he gives me monthly to save to certain amount up to N100,000 to have my personal business but he is so stingy.
He doesn't buy me clothes not even my cosmetics, as a woman I did that myself out of small small money I get as change when I go shopping for foodstuff.
To cut the story short, am tired and in the next four months I have told him if I can't get capital from him, I will go and search for work to establish myself which he is saying no, but I am fed up and sincerely I don't care what will happen when I go and find something to do, cos three days back he asked me between my marriage an work which do I choose and I told him my child and my work cos I am tired.
I have passed through a lot in the name of being loyal to him and am no more ready to keep fooling myself cos my husband is so stingy and selfish. All he care is himself and his family, his mum, sister, cousin.
Your advice for me to go about my plan will be highly appreciated.

Though I can't tell exactly how he spends his money and the needs and responsibilities that he has to meet up with, I will plead that we run an analysis on his finances together let's ascertain how stingy he is really. 
He earns N130,000 in a month and let's assume that he pays tithe of N13,000, he's then left with N117,000. 
He then gives you N30000 for the monthly upkeep of the family and he's left with N87000. 
Your baby maybe six months to ten months and as such will demand more care and support than a grown up child, so let's assume that your baby consumes N10,000 and your husband is left with N77,000. 
Let's assume that he has a car and a generator which he must fuel for you to have light and ventilation and then be able to go to work and carry out his responsibilities, and fueling takes N25000, he's then left with N52,000. 
Then assuming that he's the first son and his family is always pressing for one need or another and he strives to balance things, he will then send N10,000 and what will remain is N42000. 
If he's financially conscious and doesn't waste his money on things that are not relevant, he should save at least N20,000 in case of emergency or miscellaneous expenses like sickness, and the likes, he will be left with N22,000. 
This is excluding house rent, pension scheme, tax and any other family project and investments. 
The money might look big to you but from my estimated analysis, your husband is only managing a limited fund, hopeful that things will get better. 
If he provided shelter, food, comfort, and security, I don't think that he's actually stingy and inconsiderate. 
I advocate that couples should be independent of extended needs and responsibilities but sometimes they're inevitable and couples cannot ignore their families in such times. 
While I will encourage you to start up something or get a job, I also want you to be fair and kind to your husband because he's actually under pressure to provide for you, your baby and also his family. 
He might not be depriving you of your desire to start up something but he might be short of funds and may not know how best to explain that to you. 
I remember that you hope to return back to school and the expenses will also fall back on him. Please remember that your family is your first priority and you cannot throw away your family and be happy in your endeavours. 
Sit down with your husband, discuss with him, help him to understand that your intentions is to complement his efforts and also provide a better comfort for your children and everyone. 
Don't push this from a self point of view, let him know how much you appreciate his efforts, believe him even if you don't feel that he's saying the truth. But let him know that you desire to do something that will fetch more money for the family. 
You must not necessarily work, if you have some marketable skills like baking, cooking, frying, braiding, bead making, or any other skills that you can do without compromising on your duties as the wife and mother in the house. Please start up with that and then save money for the kind of business that you crave for. 
Instead of demanding for N100,000, you can plead for half of the money so that you can start up something. 
I know that you are not comfortable being idle but you can still get what you need without pushing your husband to the wall or labelling him a stingy and selfish husband. 
He may be working hard to make ends meet but he's limited as a result of his funds. Please reconsider your decision and work with your husband to make this project become a reality.
Being loyal to your husband is not foolishness because there's a divine favour and blessings that comes with submitting to your husband which you may not be aware of. 
I pray that God will enlarge his coast so that he can equip you with all that you need to multiply his income and support your family and relatives.

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