Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Seven Tips for Overcoming Heartbreak.

Hello Auntie Amara. I am a girl of 23 years and currently doing my national service. I have been dating this guy for the last three years and he was of great support when I was in school. After school we were not close like we used to be because I was attending to family issues. Once in a while I will call him or send a text message to remind him I love him.
To cut story short, he felt I neglected him because he was jobless. I apologized to him if that's what I made it look. I lost my dad after and this guy broke up with me. He broke up with me when I needed him the most.
I made friends my age and older speak to him but it fell on deaf ears saying he has moved on and he has a new lady in his life and he loves her dearly.
My problems is how will you move on quickly if you really love someone? Why didn't he forgive me after I apologised to him? I wish moving on was that easy.
Help me I am confused.

Though poor communication may have pushed him to the wall but that was actually not the reason why he left you. He probably left you because he was never interested in building a long term relationship with you or because he felt that you were not good enough to be in his future. 
That you were silent or was unable to communicate effectively with him was the bait he placed his hands on to terminate the relationship, but in reality he was never in love with you. 
From the dynamics of your relationship, it was obvious that you were deeply in love with him and he may have taken advantage of your vulnerable emotions and left when you so much needed his companionship. 
To help you overcome the pains of your failed relationship, these tips may be helpful.

  • Accept that there are things you cannot change in life no matter what you do to make it work, and relationship is one of those. 

This is because you can only love an individual selflessly but that in itself doesn't mean that the individual will reciprocate in the same manner as you did. 

  • You don't need to take all the blame for how your relationship turned out. No relationship succeeds by the efforts and sacrifices of one individuals because relationship is a joint venture and a mutual partnership between two individuals who share the same vision and convictions with each other and hope to build a future that is full love, happiness and peace. 

Where one individual feels that he can't do anything to achieve that vision, you cannot force him to change his mind or attitude by doing everything. 

  • You also need to learn from the your failed relationship by being as objective as possible and making amends so that you don't repeat the same mistake in your future relationship. 

You may feel that you are flawless as an individual until you are in a relationship with someone. Everyone has limitations, imperfections and weaknesses, and no matter how much we wish to hide them or ignore them, they'll somehow manifest in your relationship. How your partner manages such limitations and imperfections reflect how mature, wise and tolerating such an individual is and also determines the future of the relationship. 
If you are an individual who feels that you can do everything for yourself without involving your partner, you will find it difficult building a relationship with an individual who believes in sharing and supporting one another. So find out those little or insignificant flaws that may have affected your relationship and work on them so that you can build a better relationship in the future. 

  • Cut off everything and anything that takes you back to your past relationship. Though some partners may come back together after terminating the relationship, it's most times safer and healthier not to go back to your failed relationship depending on what lead to the breakdown of the relationship. 

Since he felt that you were not good enough for him, kindly bid him goodbye, erase every trace of him in your life and remember that for the fact that a partner left you for another doesn't mean that you are a failure or that you are not good in yourself.

  • Love yourself, appreciate yourself, celebrate yourself and add more virtues to your life. When relationships fail, don't lose hope or lose your self esteem because you have greater opportunities to become a better individual and personality than you were in your previous relationship.
  • Give yourself some time to heal, avoid rushing into another relationship perhaps to get back to your ex or to prove a point that you are better off without him. 
  • Avoid comparing yourself with anyone else or comparing your partner with anyone else, but be positive and be patient and allow time to heal and reward you with the kind of individual or partner that you will give you peace of mind and fulfilment in life. 

Above all these tips, please don't fail to hold unto God who is the source of genuine love. He uses every experience of your life, including your failed relationship to prepare you for marriage. And he is never late in fulfilling his promises for your life, so there's no need to panic because your relationship didn't work out, this experience is working in your favour and you will come out of it with greater testimonies than you anticipated.

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