Tuesday, July 26, 2016

How Do I Overcome Insecurity in my Marriage?

Good afternoon ma, God has been using you to bless so many families. I come from a lovely family with nice parents but when my mum became sick in 2003 and left us to the village, my dad started having female friends which as we were kids we couldn't disapprove and for all those years we kept it from my mum because we wanted a lovely and happy family, but in 2014 my mum found out which nearly separated them and we all begged her to stop and then they reconciled.
Last year she noticed he was still going out with one of the female friends and confronting him nearly broke our home into pieces because my dad locked us outside till our uncles asked him to allow us in and that was a month before my traditional marriage.
I cried all day, I nearly cancelled my marriage but my mother advised me against it. Because of that since I moved in with my husband I have been feeling very insecure thinking all men are the same. I monitor his phone calls, read his messages and anything I see, it will cause quarrel cos I think he will cheat on me.
He is a nice man but my home is about breaking up because of my insecurities. He keeps telling me he is not cheating but I don't believe him. What do I do? I don't want my marriage which is barely a year old to end because of constant quarrel. Thank you and God bless.
Although we have all forgiven my dad and he has started changing but I still feel that hurt that men are all the same

I understand that your father painted a horrible picture of a man, husband, companion and father to you. Seeing infidelity, adultery, emotional abuse and psychological abuse as normal in a marriage must have made you feel that every man does the same thing with to his wife and children. In reality, every marriage have its own challenges and peculiarities, but not all men cheat on their wives and abuse them in all forms and manner they feel like.
Some men who have a personal relationship with God, who understands the right values of a healthy home and marriage, who is emotionally and mentally prepared to love their wives and lay down their lives for her, and men who are psychologically mature to love their wives in a million ways and bring out the best in their wives, will never take their wives through that path of pains and agony.
Another truth that you must know is that no matter how careful, how you wish to monitor him or investigate him or suspect him, it will never stop him from cheating on you if the devil pushes him to towards that path (God forbid).
Your greatest weapon of warfare against infidelity, cheating and any form of marital abuse or challenges is not by monitoring and suspecting him, it's also not by questioning every single thing you see, it's not by attacking him or condemning him, it's not by confronting him and nagging at him, rather it's by presenting him to God and God alone.
As a human being you have many limitations to what you know, what you have control over and what you can evaluate, but God can tell what is in the heart of your husband which you can't tell, God knows his personality and knows his next line of thought, so stop fighting the battle that God himself has sworn to fight for you the very moment you exchanged vows with him.
Stop checking his phones, stop prophesying negatively into his life and stop comparing him with your father. All men have the same physical attributes but all men are never the same. Learn to at least trust your husband until he has given you reasons to doubt him. Learn to respect the space and the personality of your husband. Stop making life difficult for your husband by always putting thoughts and feelings that he's not worthy of your love and affection and total respect in your marriage.
He has told you severally that he's not cheating, why not go to your closest and present him to God, asking for the grace to remain faithful and committed to your marriage. Why not shower him with love and affection knowing that he's your possession, your husband, your companion and your partner for life.
Sometimes when you allow your insecurities gain access in your marriage, you will end up chasing your husband away from your bosom and then invite the devil to destroy your marriage. You have to realise that you have all the weapons that you need to protect your husband against any vices of the enemy in your marriage.
Pray for him, love him, shower him with sex, let him delight in your presence as a result of your attitude, quit reading his messages and monitoring his phones, especially when your thoughts is to know if he's cheating or not and learn to communicate effectively with your husband.
Your insecurity maybe because there's a great gap between you and your husband prompting you to suspect and accuse him of cheating on you.
Accept your husband and love him for who he is, let the word of God guide your attitude towards your husband and please thrash the images of your father's attitude in your marriage so that you can reap the dividends of your marriage and enjoy your husband.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)