Saturday, July 30, 2016

I'm not Emotionally Ready for Wedding This Year.

Dear Ma'am, good evening and hope your day was splendid.

Please I will need your advice on something that has been bothering me
Let me cut the story short. I am a young girl of 24/25 years old dating a guy of 31/32. He is a God fearing, very hardworking, loving and caring guy. He has been on me for marriage. 
We have done the family introduction in April this year and he has been planning the wedding to be this year December. He has informed their Vicar(Parish Priest) last week Thursday of the wedding plans and he was okay with it. 
My problem now is this; I am not emotionally ready to have my wedding this year reasons being that 
(1) He is based in Enugu while I am based in Lagos.

(2) I am combining my N50,000 job with my higher national diploma program(HND) and would love to get another job in Enugu or anywhere within that region before the wedding. Though, we have been praying about it.

(3) I would be graduating this year and would've loved to use my HND certificate to secure a better job

(4) Presently, I work with an IT company as a Project Person and I don't see the kind of opportunity i want in that area. Like growing bigger, career wise

I need time to plan my life but bringing it up will seem like I have other motives, because last year I told him the same thing.
Kindly advice me like your own daughter. We have not had sex which is one of things he wants to complete the marriage rights this year.

The puzzle you are trying to solve is what I call career or purpose compatibility which is very very important that every intending couples must agree on before getting married to each other. 
It's important to have a clear picture of what you want to invest your life, your time and your passion in, and also get married to a partner who will give you the room, the support and the opportunity to excel in your area of expertise. 
Also, it is very very important for you to consider your partner's career, passion and purpose and find out how both of you can merge together or support each other and be able to to fulfil your marital obligations without any struggles. 
This is why both of you need to sit down, count your cost, plan together and fashion out ways to achieve your career goals and hopefully maintain a healthy balance between your career and your marriage. 
If you are graduating this year, I don't think that it is a bad idea to consider marriage and then discuss with him on ways to combine marriage with your career. 
Though I won't encourage long distance marriage, I still feel that both of you can make adjustments and accommodate the career of each other and still build up a great home. 
However, if you feel that you are not emotionally prepared for marriage and you feel that you cannot manage your career and your marriage, please don't hesitate to to cancel the wedding plan.
Marriage is a huge responsibility and it requires two individuals who are emotionally prepared and mentally ready to manage the pressures and the challenges of life and support each other in all their endeavours. 
So don't get married just because you are scared to open up to him but iron things out with him decide if you are prepared to get married to him or need more time to get your career right before getting married.

1 comment:

  1. You need to talk to him,tell hi ur want,it possible you both get married and stiL wait like 2 yrs before starting family,discuss about distance,ur career ur job and ur needs,what his plan towards this too


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