Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Is Sex Important in Courtship?

Aunty good evening ma. I sent you a message last year concerning my two big sisters and my relationship, read My Two Big Sisters are not Normal. I did exactly what you advised me and he really felt for me and was so eager to help both in prayers, and wished he was buoyant enough to help my sisters.
My problem now is, his sister that used to be my good friend has hated me so much. Something that was supposed to be a joke turned out to something else. The brother invited me to their place, I never knew it's to make peace between the sister and I.
Aunty the kind of insult I received that day from the sister, I have never in my life witnessed such, people had to gather and the only thing I thought will settle the drama that night was to leave that night which I did, and my boyfriend drove off too cos he was frustrated too. Thank God some of the people that night did not get to see my face like that cos I felt like a prostitute or even a thief. Ever since then I have not forgiven her and she has not even asked me to.
Note: Before the incident, I tried severally to make peace with her but she refused. The brother started begging me to make peace with the sister which I told him that I have not thought of having any words with her and he said that the sister is always jealous whenever him and the brother is in any relationship cos they are just three, that she has always had fight with the ex and the sister must be in good terms with whoever he is going to settle with. I thought within myself that I am not married to him and the sister has started acting drama like this, what will then happen when I finally enter? Now my boyfriend has changed, no care like before, no calls, everything has changed. Now someone connected me to a 36 years old man and am 24 to 25 for marriage. He has told me so many things about himself and it happens that my family knows his. I have met with all the siblings and they are peaceful people just like me. And I have asked him what has kept him this long without settling down and he said he was not compatible with the three girls he had wanted to marry that they were AS, but we are compatible.
Now my question is, what is the meaning of courtship? Enlighten me more on this please because to him we are courting and am believing so too. I said so because no man has proposed to me before, people always say that I have a baby face, I don't know if it's the reason. He told me that courtship is when you are to know everything about your partner, know the strength of your man/woman sexually to avoid anyone cheating in the marriage, that sex is very necessary in courtship and he likes sex.
Am not a virgin oo but I don't want anybody that will use me and do experiment. He is hardworking, he has conscience/good heart. Please advice me. Thank you ma.

Courtship is the last phase of an intimate relationship between two individuals who love each other and have decided to take the bold step towards getting married and living together as man and wife. 
It begins when the man officially proposes marriage to a lady, and the lady, after due meditation and prayers, accepts his proposal for marriage. 
For some there may be a symbol of remembrance, for some there may not be any symbol of remembrance for the engagement. 
Always remember that it is a proposal which doesn't necessarily translate to a possibility that you must end up with him. 
Proposals are like suggestions, plans, ideas or possibilities of an event becoming a reality. It is at this point of proposal that courtship springs forth. 
What is courtship you may ask. It is the time when you get to know the family you hope to get into, knowing in absolute terms the personality you are dealing with. It's the time to ask all the questions that you can remember or relate to. 
It's also the time to carry out all the necessary medical checks to ascertain if both parties are medically healthy for marriage, and child bearing which is the heart desire of every couple. 
Because it's not yet a reality, having sex is never part of courtship practices. Rather both of you can talk about all the sexual fantasies, and all the adventures in your mind.
Does he likes blow jobs or he prefers licking the vagina? What about anal sex, hit or miss? What's his favourite part in a lady and what makes him go gaga? What's his penis package and his favourite sexual positions? 
It's the time to be absolutely honest and sincere with your partner without any form of shame or fear. This is because marriage will definitely shock you and you will be amazed at the tons of things you ought to have asked him about. 
For example, kissing maybe romantic, but snoring is definitely not romantic and if you don't know about his snoring habit, you may start kicking him everywhere. 
He's always nice whenever both of you go on dates but he may eat food and leave plates for weeks. 
She may always smell nice and lovely whenever she meets you, but her panties doesn't leave her waist for four days. She may have nice legs but she may be fighting while sleeping. 
So you just need to ask all the questions that you have in your mind to help you have a mental picture of the personality you are getting married to. 
It's the time to let family and friends know that you are looking forward to getting married to an individual and they will carry out their own investigations as a way to support you and be sure that you are in safe hands.
It's time to plan your home. Where do you wish to settle after wedding, how many children do you both plan to have? What are your plans for your relatives? 
You also need to know his plans for you after wedding. Will you be a sit at home wife or a working mum? Will he open a shop for you or allow you learn vocational skills? 
Which church will both of you settle for? What are his most sacred things in his life? Who comes to assist you after child birth? What are his meals and who provides the funds for the home? 
What's his plans for your family and his family? Will his mother always call the shot or will he listen to you? 
It's also time for both of you to seek counselling services in preparation for marriage. This is what some churches engage in, the essence is to help you and your partner understand the demands, the duties and the responsibilities that comes with getting married to each other so that both of you can prayerfully and jointly prepare yourself to give your best to make your marriage prosper in all areas of your endeavours.
Anyone who tells you that having sex is part of courtship is only exploiting you for sex to satisfy his emotional needs. 
It's good to know that he loves sex but the only time sex becomes official meal for two individuals in love is after dowry. If both of you feel that it's too long to wait, it's then up to you but don't let anyone deceive you into believing that sex is part of courtship. It's not true. 
However I have some reservation for the way you ended your relationship. You said that your partner stopped caring and reaching out to you, so you decided to go for another man. That is actually not the best way to end a relationship with a man. You are meant to at least find out what could be responsible for his attitude and where you are no longer interested in the relationship, courtesy demands that you officially terminate the relationship before considering another partner to avoid getting to the point where you are confused with who to marry.
Again you want to be sure that you are comfortable with this man that you are dating and not venture into the relationship or marriage because someone that you love so much left you.
Please do your own investigations and research about his personality and vision in life and for the relationship so that you can organise yourself to suit his needs and purpose in life.

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