Friday, July 8, 2016

Should I Consider my Husband's Request or my Son's Need?

Good evening ma, God bless you for your wonderful service to humanity and especially marriages! Am very much confused I need you to please advise me, if you deem it fit you can post to the house let me know what they think.
I got married about a year ago to an otherwise good man, every lady's dream, I really appreciate him so much and I equally love him as well, when we started though he was abroad, he didn't have much money and he was open about it, we agreed to settle down. His financial status didn't bother me because I have a very nice salary.
He came back home and jointly we were able to foot our wedding bill (moderate one). He wanted to relocate to another country against my advice not as if he had problems in his former place of abode, just that he wanted greener pastures. I didn't want it to look as if I was pushy, I finally gave in, being that he didn't have cash, again I completed the bills for the visa but he had problems and the money was lost....
No problem, fast forward about six months later, he wanted to start up some small business, I provided the capital because I really want him to succeed.... He got mixed up with some bad friends of his, again against my advice.... Moving on, the business started flourishing and he partnered with one notorious friend of his who is always looking for trouble.... My exact words to him.... "This person you follow about to make trouble to others, when he doesn't see who to make case with he will definitely make case with you", he called it the talk of a little girl and he asked me, do I know who he was before? That he had made it more than these people just that circumstances turned things around....
To cut some things short, the guy in question made trouble with him and messed up his business leaving him with a huge debt..... He came back crying had I known to me, the guy actually went as far as locking him up levelling all sorts of accusations against him and trust Nigerian police, I paid through my nose before he was released......
When he was inside there I got to know he has been telling me a whole bunch of lies. For instance, we wanted to buy a land and start a building, the land was for N500,000, he told me it was for N1,000,000, collected N750,000, paid only N250,000. I don't know what he did with the rest half a million, he couldn't balance the N250,000. When worse came to worst, he needed a refund that's when the younger brother who bought it for him told me the amount of the land not knowing how much my husband told me....
I was on the hospital bed, after delivery he told me the bill was N69,000 while the bill was N40000, he ended up removing N85, 000 from my account, that's just a few.
Fast forward, after all the quarrels he came back begging that he has changed. I accepted, helped him clear some remaining debt and next thing he's telling me now he's tired of Nigeria, he wants to travel back, I forgot all the hurt and lies and decided to still work with him until I decided to pause. I pretended my salary was delayed, I needed money to get some things for my baby, he sent N20000 to me. I told him I borrowed to buy complete things I needed and by the time I finished the payment my salary would have dissolved.
He got angry and told me that he sent that money because he was expecting me to send my salary to him when it's been paid. I became afraid, truly I don't want my marriage to fail, am trying my best to make sure he comes out the best but he's not helping me, he isn't even thinking of the baby. If you ask him, he will tell you that once he's out of Nigeria, the problem is over he will do this and that, but from the little I have seen once the money gets to him, it will become one story or the other and when the money is gone he comes with his story of change.
I really don't know what to do, truly he has started the process of traveling out on his own but needs me to complete it but my fear is if another story enters, my baby will suffer it. I have no one to run to, I take care of my whole family from father down (and he has always repeated that I will settle my immediate family first being him before anyone else) and this government no one is sure of anything, they can wake up any day to sack anyone at anytime as they are already threatening. Please ma, I need your sincere advice, do I give him this little remaining savings and have hope he won't mess things up as usual or should I consider my son first? Thanks a million waiting for your reply

Always remember that your most important responsibility is your baby. Every other person can survive and manage circumstances and situations of life but your baby needs you most to grow, and get all the essential nutrients he needs to develop into a beautiful son that God has blessed you with. 
I won't personally tell you whether to support your husband or not, you know better than I do on that but please don't in your bid to be a good wife strip yourself of what you need to take care of yourself, your immediate family (as your husband puts it) and your son. 
It was because you had something to fall back on that made your husband get support when he messed up by wasting the money. So please be wise and be smart too to avoid begging to feed, since you know so well that the economic downturn in Nigeria is affecting all sectors of the economy. 
It is a lot easier and rewarding to help an honest man with all you have than it is when you want to help an individual who thread on deceptions and manipulations. 
When you have a partner who doesn't see the need to work with you, listen to your little girl's wisdom, support you and plan his future with you, it becomes extremely difficult for you to plan your future with him. This is where you need wisdom and maturity to avoid burning your own fingers. 
Whether he's abroad or in the country, he can survive if he's willing to humble himself and devote his time and heart to start up something that will yield benefits with time. And that reminds me, what is his game plan for this trip? For how long will he stay there and where will he stay? Who will fund his trip and for how long will you continue to fund this trip? What will happen to you when he travels outside the country? Who will be there to support you, how much will quench your desire for his presence and touch, and how will you meet up with your sexual needs? (please pardon me for digressing). 
Please make the best use of your resources and consider your baby's needs because he doesn't understand all these grammars and explanations we are giving, all he craves for is protection, provision and your presence in his life. 


  1. its really unfortunate that you entered a one chance marriage, I think you husband do not have any plan for life, he is directionless. he has been feeding you with lies just to get money from you, that is the height of foolishness.
    the way and manner he goes about extorting cash from you shows he is a GOLD digger as such you should begin to make plans for back up saving because he will mess you up with.
    imagine that he could not foot your hospital bills and he still has the boldness for over change your form the sick bed,just know that he cares about himself alone.
    what dose he want to go and hassle abroad(cleaner job, security job, mortuary job, hard drug business)...maintain your stands that you have run out of cash...I am such his visa will b rejected.
    what a nonsense. no remorse what so ever. Babe wise up.

  2. Jezzzz this is painful,madam all i have to say is consider ur bby


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