Friday, July 8, 2016

Should I Continue to Support Him?

Hello Aunty Amara, I love what you're doing keep up the good work. My name is A*** I'm from Delta state. I've been asking God for a man of my own cos that's what I really need in my life, my own family. Last two months, May, God answered my prayer and I met a man on Facebook from IMO state. He resides in Abuja, an engineer.
He's kind and caring and God fearing. His only fault is he talks in a bad way when he's emotionally hurt. The day we planned to meet his mother in Enugu he was reprimanded in prison over a land issue he's been having since 2010. His lawyer wasn't even serious with his case only interested in milking him dry.
Right now he's still there. I don't earn much, in fact I don't have any savings at all only my retirement savings cos I'm really underpaid. The first money the lawyer asked for to close the case and all was about N700,000 and because my man is desperate to get out of the prison he paid and I even contributed N100,000, of course I borrowed it. Right now I'm managing to pay back on my own, he'll always pay me back. The issue now is that the state prosecutor refused the case to be closed, he's asking for N60,000 and there's no way my man will be allowed to go to bank and make the payment. The money in his savings account have all gone into settling the lawyer and the judge the first time and I don't want to borrow again. His friends keep saying they don't have although I understand that cos things are really hard. He's emotionally down, disappointed and ashamed.
I don't know how to communicate with him anymore to get through to him. We had issue over the N60,000 and I'm hurt. He said I don't love him enough if not I would have tried in order for him to get out of there with other things. First of all I wasn't supposed to do what I did it shows desperation but I did cos I don't like seeing people in need without helping and I wanted the situation to go away.
He's the first child, the father is late and he's the one catering for the family needs. I've been there for him through all these calling everyday to know his welfare and all, I think I'm the only one doing that for him. His family calls once in a while although his mum doesn't know what's actually happening cos he wants it that way. I've been hoping and praying to God for this to go away I believe there's nothing He can't do.
Now my issue is do I still keep being there for him even with the way he talks when he's annoyed? I understand what he's going through but should that give him the right to talk to me the way he did? That in short everybody should just leave him alone that God will set him free. Yes God will but through somebody right ? I've decided laying off calling him for this two day holidays. To figure out how to go about this. Thanks in anticipation.

You actually don't sound like you understand what relationship and marriage entails. It's as though you have no idea what it means to genuinely love an individual and to appreciate him when things are not as they used to be.
Though I can't tell what it takes to close a case, I feel that there are so many controversies or corrupt practices his lawyer is engaging in, which has made your partner to spend exorbitant amount of money that shouldn't be the case.
I will suggest both of you consider getting a professional lawyer who has been in the bar for a long period of time and have an understanding and experience in land dispute resolution to help secure his release. I mean I have no idea how a land dispute will put him in jail, and make him unable to get a bail at all.
Relationship and marriage is not just about going for what you want, it also includes sacrificing to help your partner succeed, supporting your partner in unpalatable experiences, managing his shortcomings and limitations and being hopeful that it won't last forever.
Pressures of life can bring out the not so good attitude in an individual, it can make one to be selfish, arrogant, insulting, verbally abusive, and do things that are hurting to say the least, but you should understand that you are not there to criticise his attitude but to help him in his weakness. You are there to give him hope and support no matter your limitations.
The true test of love is in hard times, and it only takes those who have the mental capacity, emotional maturity and spiritual discernment to help someone who is drowning in the ocean of his woes.
Please do not quit supporting him or allow his reaction to influence your good intentions to help him. Yes he doesn't have the right to talk to you in the manner he did but you see, he's not even in his right frame of mind to understand what is right and what is wrong, all he craves for now is freedom and it doesn't matter how that happens as long as he's free.
Please seek for legal counsel and find out ways to get him out of the prison so that he can organise himself and do the needful.


  1. In just 2 months, n ur brain cannot tell u that u are being duped. Hv u seen him? Can't u visit him in prison? Be desperately borrowing money u dnt have for a man who wont pay u back

  2. Nne are you a learner? Even if, you need to read the handwriting in the wall. Why is it now you have to see his parents that he has to be detained. Is he a thief to be put behind bars? There are so many fishy things in this relationship. Did you come out as a desperate single that can be milked. Shine your eyes

  3. This woman is really desperate. I didn't read anywhere you said you have met him physically. You are being played here. Shine your eyes.

  4. Aunty Amara it's like you didn't understand the post before advising the lady. She is obviously being duped. Please read again and readvice..thank you.

  5. Jeez. At these time and age? Babe you are being DUPED. Similar Thing happened to my colleague. Lesson to desperate ladies.

  6. 419 alert. My dear do not even think about giving him any money again. It is very obvious that u re being duped. Nd d worse part is that the guy is heartless for still wanting to milk more. Anyways just call him today or 2moro and try telling him that you are in abuja that u need to see him, that he should tell u d police station he is being held. How he reacts will say whether na 419 or not

  7. I didn't have to read the message to the end for me to figure out that she was dealing with a 419er

  8. this is pure 419 case. in just 2 months relationship, he set the process rolling.
    take note that he is not in prison, your been duped. you will regret this.
    tell his so called lawyer to give you his address in Abuja, that your coming with your own lawyer and see how they will desperately try to convince you not to come to Abuja and they will device another means to milk you dry.
    he is not an Engineer, he is purely a Yahoo guy and he isn't the person your seeing on his facebook handle.

    this current Nigeria na him you fall mugu like this.


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