Thursday, July 21, 2016

Should I Defend my Fiancé or my Dad?

Aunty Amara please help me with this. My story is long, this is the only time am sharing all in my mind. I thought I didn't have a problem getting married until now. I love my fiancé so much and he loves me too. I have kept secret just because I love him for who he is. He has taken care of me and he is a good man with a good heart.
Am a graduate even doing my post graduate programs. But he didn't finish school. He told me all about him before we started. He did his OND, had problems and dropped out. He decided to go into business. I accepted him for all his shortcoming knowing one day things will change.
My problem is that he was given an enormous list from the village for my bride prize. Nobody will understand the situation of things except me. But my parents have nothing to offer as help. Yet if my father wants to do anything for us he will say send money. If we just mention for him to contact his people he will say send money. It's getting him upset and me too. I had to tell my dad there is no money.
My dad called him he told him too there is no money. What we wanted him to do is what he can do on the phone. My fiancé sent him N20000 to go to the village he didn't. Now we want something else from the village he still said send money, if not he won't go.
Now my dad is painting this picture of begging for money. Am on the side of my man now but am thinking is wrong. I should stand for my parent and give excuse for them. I don't know which one to do. I hate what my dad is doing, how do I explain to him to help us with this marriage and stop saying send money send money. I don't want him to see my dad as always asking for money. My dad is well learned but just that he wasn't conscious with money when he had it. Now depends on his children. Should I stand by my man or my dad?

Because you are leaving your father and mother to build your own home and support your husband, standing on the side of your parents will definitely crumble your vision and dream to establish your marriage on a good foundation.
Obviously your father is exploiting the opportunity for his selfish benefits and if you don't do something urgently and drastically, you may end up not having a home to place your head after the ceremonies.
You need to discuss with your father and tell him how things are, and that both of you don't have excess money to throw around. On your own part please go to your village or consult your uncles or elders to find out the cheapest way to make this wedding a success.
You shouldn't expose your husband to the greed and the exploitation of your elders or kindred. Your father is married and he's taking care of his own needs. You need to organise yourself and plan yourself to avoid begging for bread after feeding the world.

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