Monday, August 29, 2016

Don't Know How to Open up to Him.

Good day Aunty Amara, I really appreciate you and what you are doing. Ma please am actually typing from my mum's account, I really need your advice.
Firstly, am a lady of 21 years, but I have this agric body, people usually think am older but when I tell my actual age, they will be amazed, though I inherited it from my grandmother. 
Am in one of the universities, I will be in my 300L by October when school resume, the main problem is, I have been in a relationship with a guy for a year now, it all started when I helped him in the bank, and since then we have been doing good. 

I love him so much, likewise him, but ladies are always at him, it got to a time a lady sent him a message telling him how much she love him and even booked a hotel but he turned it down, and told her he is engaged, all this he showed me on phone. 
Ma, the main issue is he wants to take it to the next level, but ma, I don't know how to tell him to wait because I want to graduate or highest be in my final year before getting married, and how am I sure that all these advances he gets from ladies will stop? 
Secondly, am using medicated glasses, I don't know how to tell him, and am scared if I tell him, he might walk out, and most importantly I don't want this eye problem to transfer to my unborn children, because I inherited it from my mum's family, all the women use glasses except the men, and it has continued even after my mum and her sisters have gotten married. 
Am actually scared, if I tell him all these things won't he go, and lastly what measure can I use to prevent this eye problem from transferring to my unborn kids? Please ma, help me.

If you are afraid of being naked in front of your mother, then there's absolutely something that terrifies you about your mother or something that you are not comfortable with which you wish to hide from your mother. But that was not the case between you and your mother which was why you sent your mail using her account. 
The same applies to your relationship with a man who you love so much and hope to settle down with him someday in your life. If for any reason you find it difficult to open up, find it difficult to be extremely and entirely honest with him, he will feel that you are fake and have so many things to hide from him, and he will definitely find it difficult to trust you. 
You don't need a partner who you can't open up to, share your thoughts and opinions with, even if they're dumb or not good enough in itself, rather you need a man who is willing to share his heart with you, listen to your opinions and also make you part of his vision in his life and not a stranger in his life. 
If he works in the banking sector, it means that he was sometime ago in the school studying for what he's practicing today, and as such understands and appreciates the importance of education. 
Education will also equip you with all the information that you need to create wealth for yourself and for your family, so it is not a bad thing to desire to graduate or be at the verge of graduating before getting married to your husband. 
You need to open up to him and let him be part of your vision and purpose in life, you need to let him know your thoughts and feelings about his intentions to marry you. You need to dialogue and discuss with him on how best to merge marriage and your academics without any crushing the other. 
This will really help him to plan or decide whether to give you more time or readjust his plans so that he will accommodate your academics. 
Even after wedding, anyone can be tempted by the opposite sex, but if he decides to be faithful to you, he will definitely be faithful to you. I can't guarantee whether he'll be honest, sincere and committed to you, but I will encourage you to be positive and pray that God will give him the grace to remain faithful to you.
Heredity is not what you can change or destroy by just wishing it away because it is part of your genetic make-up as a lady. What that means is that it's part of your DNA and there's little or nothing that can be done to change it. What it then means is that your eye challenge was transferred from your parents to you, and there's a greater chances that you will also transfer your genetic content to your children but this time your husband will also be contributing to the genetic make up of your children. 
What that means is that you can't help it but only pray and hope that your children won't have eye challenges. There's also a greater need for you to let your partner know about your eyes difficulties, if he will eventually find out about it, it's best for him to know about it from you than to feel that you betrayed him by not telling him the whole truth about your personality. 
Anyone who leaves you because of your temporary health defects definitely doesn't love you nor care about your happiness as an individual. You didn't create yourself, and you cannot recreate yourself even if you have the capacity to, so why not open up and let him know all there is about you and allow him to decide whether you are good enough for him or not. 
If he leaves you after telling him about yourself, then he wasn't meant for you nor was he emotionally mature for relationship or marriage. You need to be yourself and pray for a partner who will accept your imperfect perfection and your personality without comparing or making mockery of your personality. 
You need to realise that you're part of this relationship, and also that he's not doing you a huge favour by getting married to you but that both of you are in partnership to establish a home that both of you will be proud of for the rest of your life. 
Please do not be afraid of whatever the outcome of your honesty and sincerity might be, but focus on establishing your relationship on a solid foundation of truth, honesty and trust, and allow him to decide what to do with all the information you shared with him. 
Any man who genuinely loves you will never leave you because of your defects but will be your strength in your areas of weaknesses, but a man who doesn't love you will definitely find excuses to leave you.

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