Monday, August 29, 2016

Should Courtship be all about Spiritual Matters?

Good day ma, how are you doing? Sorry to disturb you with these: QUESTIONS
*Should courtship be all about prayers, fastings,
devotions, bible studies(spiritual matters)?
*Should sisters/brothers opt for non-spiritual folks because the spiritual ones are boring?

*Is it compulsory to marry someone you were led to? What are your views? Thanks

I am glad to receive your questions because I also know that there are so many brothers and sisters who are worried as much as you are, but they're not bold and honest enough to open up. 

What is courtship? 
Courtship begins when two individuals have come to a definite agreement that they wish to spend the rest of their lives together as husband and wife in accordance to the word of God and the law of the land. It begins the very moment the man proposes marriage to a lady, and the lady in return accepts to be his wife. 
If this is what courtship is about, then you may agree with me that courtship is preparatory class for marriage. Since that is the case, what then is marriage? 
Marriage is the legal union of a man and a woman as husband and wife. 

What goes on in marriage? 
They have the licence to have unlimited sexual intercourse, they have divine approval to receive God's heritage that is children, they have the right to be naked and not be ashamed, work together and meet the needs of the family, and so much more. 

What should Courtship be all about? 
Courtship should be the time to talk about anything and everything, it's the time when you have the right and the liberty to ask any questions that comes to your mind. 
Courtship is not the time for Bible study, prayer meeting, morning devotion, and deliverance. Our pastors and prophets are already doing that. Rather courtship is the time to know the very basic and the details of your partner, and any questions you wish to ask is fit for courtship. 
If you have some fantasies about sex, courtship is the best time to open up, if you wish to know how much he earns, courtship is the best time to find out, and any medical, psychological, emotional and spiritual clarifications you wish to get, courtship is the most appropriate time to seek those clarifications. 
Courtship is not the time to pretend to be an angel, it's not the time to fake your personality, because every information about your partner is very very vital in deciding whether to continue with your partner or not. 
Courtship is the time to know your compatibilities and your differences and how best to merge them and work together as one. If you don't wish to worship in his place of worship, courtship is the best time to open up and let him know about your perception and struggles about his place of worship. 
How about the number of children? Where to settle after wedding? Your sexual presence? Your vision or passion for yourself? Your likes and hobby? How to manage your finances? How to manage third parties? And your expectations in your marriage? Courtship is the most appropriate time to sort them out. 
Courtship is also the time for intending couples to seek for counselling from counsellors so that both of you will be informed on what to expect as you walk into marriage. I most times recommend counsellors because some pastors or elders do not have the grace for counselling, and may end up destroying the relationship with his own opinions and perceptions. 

Should sisters/brothers opt for non-spiritual folks because the spiritual ones are boring?
I so much love this question because you were simply honest about it. I won't encourage you to marry a spiritual man. Because in marriage you will be dealing with a man and not a spirit. The problem with men who always act spiritual is that they're fake and after wedding you will realise that their spirituality is not skin deep, but a camouflage to deceive some individuals who feels that they're perfect. 
What every lady needs is a man who have a personal relationship with God, not a man who wears the garment of perfection and spirituality. If you cannot tell who he is, his mistakes and errors as a human, his shortcomings and challenges, his purpose in life and his vision for you. If you cannot relate with him without him quoting the scriptures on how you need to repent or how you need to amend your ways and serve God. If you have to be fake to be part of his life, please run away from such an individual because sooner or later his attitude will manifest and you maybe surprised at what you will experience with him. 
A man who will love your imperfect perfection, a man who is patient with you, praying for you, supporting you, selfless in his attitude, honest to you and willing to grow with you. A man who desires to please God and yearns to be at peace with you, a man who won't esteem his outward appearance more than his inward character, a man who understands his spiritual role and responsibilities as the husband and the leader of his home, is the man who is emotionally, mentally, spiritually mature for marriage. 
And you will realise that such men don't pretend or bore their partners but they're honest and sincere with you, however the spiritual ones are boring because most often, they have zeal without understanding and they're fake in their attitude towards others.

Is it compulsory to marry someone you were led to? 
My first question is, who led you? What were the criteria or the purpose for such leading? Did God reveal him to you or the man of God directed him to you? Are you at peace with him or are you trying to impress your pastor or marriage committee? Are you comfortable with him or are you struggling to fit into his life? Does he have the qualities, virtues, attributes and personality that you desire in your husband? Are you sexually attracted to him or are you afraid to be honest with your feelings?(oh yes, very important). Are you convinced that he's your husband, and are you comfortable with him? 
The only person who will live with you after wedding is your husband, so don't allow anyone to push you into getting married to a man you are not comfortable with in the name of being led. 
Even when you're led to a man, you will still receive confirmation within your spirit that he's your partner, and the fact that you have divine peace of mind is an evidence that you have accepted him as your companion for the rest of your life. 
So don't just be with a man because someone told you he's the one, but go for a partner that your heart have accepted, and you're willing to grow in love with him. 
Whether you were led or you led yourself, marriage is a responsibility between you and your husband, and if both of you are not willing to give your all to make it stand, it will definitely crash. While you pray that God will bless you with your own husband, please prepare yourself to be a virtuous wife to him so that both of you will build a glorious home and great children. 


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