Monday, August 8, 2016

I Don't Love Him Again and He Irritates Me.

Aunty Amara good evening, am an ardent reader of your page. What I have learnt here, if I have known them four years ago, I would have made a better choice

God bless you for everything you are doing in the life of people that know God

My marriage is four years, about two years ago I brought my husband's cousin to my house to stay with me cos I didn't like the state I saw her and in fact they wrote her off and called her names like imbecile.

I looked at her well and told my husband then to bring her since we couldn't find any, that the girl is normal but the only thing is that she's ill mannered. So we pressed on the aunty till she released her, it was later the girl told me that they persuaded her not to go, that am wicked and said all sort of things about me.
Since she entered my house it has been quarrel, at a time she and my sister-in-law started instigating against me, she'll frame things and tell my sister-in-law that I said. The thing was much to the extent that you don't talk when you come to my house cos anything you say is used against me, in fact she'll frame it up and tell them I said.
It was so bad to the extent that one day I and my sister-in-law quarrelled, even wanted to fight cos of all the things she has held against me, to the extent she told me 'the right I have in the house she has and if I try to come to the room without her consent, she'll bang the door on my face. My husband never supported her at first but after he travelled and came back, things changed, anything I said is bad, he'll beat me.
Last week I was beaten blue black, my waist hurts till now, this is a week and some days. It happened on Tuesday last week and he travelled to the east towards the weekend. Ma, am hurt, I was trained in a Christian way but my parents is taking it too far, they believed that I should endure and pray, that I shall be well. I have not called my mum since the thing happened cos I wanted to arrest him but they refused. I know it's a big offence here, they refused and said we should settle. My parents are angry, saying why should I curse him, that am a christian and shouldn't do it. Am asking myself, cursing him and the traumatic experience he gave me and scar for life, how will they describe it, that am a Christian, I should forgive. Ma I can't, am traumatised, he reduced me to nothing, a waist pain doctor I met after the x-ray said I should meet orthopaedic surgeon if the pains continue. He feels that he has succeeded in humiliating me because of the girl I brought, the hurtful that I have been asking myself what if this thing he hit me on the waist was on the head, will I live today to tell the story?
Before the aunty I called that came that day, my husband and the girl framed that I beats him with heel, I beat her five times a week, it's more, that I don't feed her, the girl I picked from slum. If I talk, she will talk back and my husband will support her. They lied against me to such an extent that what would have happened if I didn't survive the beating.
All my body was swollen, even the cousin I called that day was not happy when he saw how my body was, now he said he's sorry but the thing is that I don't love him again, I don't even want to hear love from his mouth cos it irritates me. He's presently not working and am working and taking care of the home with my little income without complaining, but when he was working, I looked like a maid in my clothes, I was used as a thing of caricature, in fact he silenced me with his wickedness that I took it as part of life, to the extent the sister said to me, so if they call people that are married, I'll come out, God forbid, that I'll see her when she will marry. He is just a baby man, who can't stand on his own, his father once asked him who is he to make decision on his own, that is him that takes the decision not him, every time he calls, is your wife did this or that, act, you are the man , act , in fact aunty I hate him cos the act is beat her, cos the father in my house once boasted on how he slapped the hell out of his mother, before me.

Aunty am pained am sorry if you go through my page you won't see any of his pictures cos I deleted all
Am sorry I didn't state my age, am 29 and he's 34, with three brilliant kids .
The marriage was four years on March this year and the cousin am staying with is 14 years.

I am so sorry for what you have been exposed to, and I will first suggest that you go to an orthopaedic hospital for proper examination and treatment of your waist. 
Living with an abusive partner is like seeing a death trap and deciding to jump into it. The truth is that nobody will tell you what to do to save your life from an impending danger. The instinct for safety and protection is what God has given every individual or entity irrespective of their age or knowledge or exposure in life. The first thing every individual protects is life and not marriage because a dead person cannot prosper in marriage. 
Your parents being Christians or anyone suggesting that you pray and fast when you ought to flee for safety is only writing your obituary before your time. So if you decide not to separate from him, my prayer is that it won't be too late before you leave the death trap you call marriage. 
That said, I couldn't exactly spot what is the real challenge in your family. Even if you say that his cousin is the architect of your woes in your home, why haven't you sent her back home? Why did you allow her to align with your husband and her relatives to destroy your marriage? That you picked her up from the slum, and that others tag her an imbecile is not the important information now because by this time you are meant to have sent her back home when you realised that she was of no service to you. 
The idea of keeping a cousin and allowing her to be a bone of contention between you and your husband is really a poor decision on your own part. 
I believe that there's more to your mail than all you wrote here, but in your best interest and in the interest of your lovely children, please do not put your life to be crushed by an abusive and a mentally unstable man just because your parents told you to pray and remain there. 
You are the one who knows what you want and the one who knows how best to go about it. Everyone on earth uses his or her nostrils to breath, please use yours too and don't allow anyone to decide how you should breath or live your life.

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