Thursday, August 11, 2016

I Have No Iota of Love for Him.

Good evening Aunty Amara, am 26 years while my hubby is 31 years.. My story is a bit long please take time to read it..
I have been married for two years now and blessed with a wonderful son(8 months old).... My husband hates my family, he doesn't ever wants to see them for no reason.. His nieces and nephew often visit me without my consent, they are very disrespectful, lazy and stubborn.

They are age 16,17, and 18 years, the last time his nephew came, he stayed almost a year and I was pregnant then.. This boy wanted to fight me in front of my husband because I slapped him for the first time for insulting me, he pushed me, I almost fell on the floor and I was nine months plus pregnant. My husband did nothing, I cried all night, I begged him to send him back to his parents but my husband's reply will always be, 'I don't want to hurt my sister, I don't want her to develop high blood pressure, that when N*** gets to Onitsha, he will commit crime and he will be arrested' ...
I and my mother prayed and fasted when she came for omugwo because she saw everything the boy was doing and he insulted my mother too.. Finally God answered our prayers and he agreed to go to school, I bought JAMB form for him and other expenses I did, he put east as his center and has refuse to come back to Lagos ..
Since then his sisters has been frequenting my house, they come to Lagos like Onitsha is a stone throw to Lagos.. My problem increased when my mother-in-law came, I took care of her, my baby, my husband and did my house chores all by myself with no help from her or my husband..Mehn, I suffer no be small..
Since I have been married, my husband won't allow my siblings to come visit, and my family house is not far from my house neither will my husband allow me visit, before I will visit, I will have to lie that am going for vigil with my mother..
My husband treats me and my family like nothing, he has not bought N5.00 biscuit for my siblings let alone N2000 wrapper for my mother.. My family are not poor but at least appreciate the family he married from.. He married me without a car and was living in a rented apartment but he could feed himself and God blessed us with our own house and cars but he would always say I contributed nothing and I have no right to tell him how to spend his money..
He married me a graduate and a virgin but he won't let me work neither does he take care of me although I do small business at home with the money I saved from the little jobs I did during my school days to take care of myself and when I look good, he gets the praises when he did nothing..
He wasn't like this when we dated, he was every woman's dream he changed when we got married, although we dated only for three months cos he couldn't stay longer without *sex*..
I experienced domestic violence in my early days into marriage but he has stopped.. Sometime ago my husband said the reason he refused to give me money to start up something big is because, and I quote "I will pack his money and give to my family". I asked why will he say that and he said he went through my chat and noticed that I have been sending my money to my mother, that was how I knew he never loved me he only married me because I fit into his choice of a wife. .slim, tall, light skinned and university graduate...
Aunty Amara I have lost any iota of love for him, I forgot to mention that since I got married to him, he has not recharged my phone neither does he give me allowance but he recharge his mum's phone every two days interval and pays her monthly allowance..
Please advise me on how to go about it and the fear of being a single mother.

I understand that he doesn't trust you, I understand that you didn't contribute to his wealth according to him, I understand that your family have no value to him, I also understand that he cannot give you anything, perhaps because he feels that you don't need them, but what I refuse to understand is why you shouldn't go out and work or do something for yourself, and why you can't visit your own family without telling lies or hiding from him. 
We will respect his decision and accept his personality since he feels that you are not part of his life but a slave, a sex machine, a baby factory, and a property for his use. 
However, you must as a matter of necessity and urgency address the issue of  not being allowed to visit your family and having a work that will fetch you something. 
If it means involving your family and his family, please explore that option and liberate yourself from this bondage called marriage. 
Being a single mother is not and will never be the greatest tragedy that will befall any woman, there are some women who lost their husbands few years after getting married, and God still provided for them. There are many successful single mums, so being a single mum is not a terrible experience, but being in a marriage where you feel choked, emotionally unstable, worried, terrified and bitter. 
This is why you need to open up, approach your family and also encourage them to invite your husband and his family for a heart to heart discussion. He may not be open to counselling so utilise that approach so that they will also intervene and at least give you some sense of belonging in your marriage. 
In a situation where all efforts fail to yield any positive result, then you may need to consider separating from him so that both of you can renegotiate your relationship and decide whether both of you wish to continue with the marriage or not.
You can't be married to him and be treated like a thief in the prison, it's not healthy and safe for you, painfully you allowed his desire to taste your vagina to push you into getting married to an insensitive, selfish, and poor man.
I only hope that things won't continue this way, it's also important for you to seek the face of God and consistently pray for your marriage so that God will intervene in your marriage or at least reveal his intentions to you.

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