Friday, August 5, 2016

Is it Okay to Receive His Calls?

Good day Aunty Amara...
I got married and I travelled abroad to stay with my hubby but getting there I found out he's living with a lady who happens to be his secretary at the office.....
After some month, the lady and my hubby had some misunderstanding which I heard all they were saying.... While the lady was telling my husband;

lady saying: Why not tell your wife
my husband: Tell your wife what?
So the lady was saying, after messing me up and all the promises of sending me to school which you abandoned and now you want to throw me out like that.......
But when I found out what was going on, I was already pregnant not knowing that they have been dating before my arrival......
He has caused me so much pains, he beats me up even when I was pregnant. When I was pregnant for my third baby, he asked me to abort it but I refused saying that he knows I will give birth to a girl.......... He sent me to get parcel for him when I was pregnant not knowing that the parcel contained drugs. He made my life a living hell, stopped my education, refused me from working.
Right now he said the marriage is over and I had three kids for him (three girls)...... We came back for holiday during Christmas period not knowing that he planned sending me back to my family, so he brought me back to my parent's house and said to everyone's hearing that he's no longer interested in the marriage.
He abandoned me here in Nigeria and he took my first daughter from me ...... He planned taking away my three kids but I refused so am left with a baby of two months old and two years old....
Ever since he travelled, he haven't sent a cent for my kid's upkeep, his family supported him... He left us with nothing, whenever I call him for money for the children's upkeep, he will insult and warn me never to call him again...
Right now I have moved on with my life and I have decided to take care of my kids which he abandoned....
He called last month saying he wants to speak to my daughter but he doesn't care to ask if they feed or not.
Please ma, I need your advise, Is it okay for me to pick his call whenever he calls, because it irritates me seeing his call. Or should I better change my line?

I am deeply pained and hurt by your experience in the hands of your husband. But I will encourage you not to lose hope or give up on yourself and your children because of the attitude of your husband against you.
Please I will encourage you to forgive him for all he did to humiliate and frustrate your presence in his life, and accept it as part of your journey to self discovery.
Since he openly said that he's no longer interested in continuing with the marriage, I will suggest that you encourage your family and his family to come together so that both of you can plan on how to take good care of your children and bring out the best in them.
Let him also know that he have role and responsibilities to play in the life of his children. Also, always allow him to talk to his children because no matter your differences or his decision concerning the marriage, he remains the father of your children, and I will encourage you not to allow your emotions or feelings make you to poison the heart of your children against their father.
I know that you never anticipated what you found out when you got to his house but you could have avoided that if you carried out some investigations into his personality before accepting to marry him.
Assuming that you did but you still never knew, the moment you set your eyes on his secretary (which to me is his first wife), you should have returned back home knowing that what both of you agreed on was not what you found out in his house.
Deciding to live with him and endure the pains, the abuses, the tortures, and the embarrassments wasn't the best decision, but then again, thank God that you are alive to tell your story.
I pray that God will provide all that you need to take good care of your children and also give you the grace to forge ahead with life and decide on what's best for you and the relationship at this point in your life.

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