Friday, August 5, 2016

These Four Questions Have been Troubling my Heart.

Good evening ma. Am very sorry about how I wrote previously, forgive me. I am a girl of 26, currently serving. Ma please, these questions have been bothering me a lot.
First one is, how can I know am in love with a man and not just lusting for the person?

Secondly, how do I know when a man genuinely loves me and is willing to move the relationship to the next level.
Thirdly, is it advisable to keep begging one's boyfriend, trying to fix things after letting him know I cheated on him? Do you think it can make him never trust me and always use it against me?
Lastly, how can I succeed in making my relationships sex free? Thank you for the good work and God bless you abundantly.

I am overwhelmed by your questions but then again I have to give them my best shot, and allow others to make their own contributions to your questions.

1. You are in love with a man when you find yourself smiling sheepishly at everything about him, his messages, his smiles,  and every little things about him. 
You are in love with a man when you long to hear from him, talk to him, talk with him, talk about him and listen to his voice. 
You're in love with a man when you feel at peace with him and find yourself longing to support him, to please him selflessly, to share your thoughts with him and to do anything that will help him succeed in his endeavours. 
You're in love with him when his happiness is your passion, and friendship is perfect with him. 
You're in love with him when you wake up expecting his missed calls and go to bed expecting his text messages. Lol 
You can select the one that applies to you. 

2. When a man genuinely loves you and is interested in investing his time and emotions on you, you will experience the following. 
He will always communicate with you and can't help getting overwhelmed whenever he's around you. 
He'll be a little touchy (for some it's excessive) and unnecessarily caring. 
He will always listen to your needs and find ways to help you. 
Giving won't be difficult with him (yes I said so), and he won't compare you with others. 
He maybe somewhat jealous and protective but will always long to be with you. 
He won't rush you to bed (Yes I'm screaming this out!). Any man who rushes you to bed is in love with sex and not you. 
He will not pressurise you to have sex or do things that is against your will. 
He will help you become better emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and mentally. 
He will not compare you with others or find reasons to abuse you. 
He will be open to you, honest with you and faithful to you (psychologists have a twist to faithfulness and men) 
He will introduce you to the world, friends, enemies and family, because he wants the world to know about you. 
He will be real with you, let you know his inner struggles, strength and passion as an individual. 
Above all, he won't hide his emotions from you. 
And because he genuinely love you, getting married to you becomes his national anthem even when the whole world is against him. 
Where you are smart and wise as a lady, you won't try to use sex to keep him but will allow him to woo you and make you feel like a lady. 

3. Trust is not what you confess with your mouth but what you build with your life and time. We live in a society where men are permitted to cheat and be forgiven, but for ladies, I'm certain that you already know what the outcome will be. 
Definitely nobody condones infidelity, so when you cheat on your partner, it will take more grace for the trust to grow in the relationship. In many cases, the relationship dies a natural death as soon as there's a betrayal of trust in the relationship.
In any ways, especially when it's involving a lady, it's almost impossible. So in such a scenario, it's advisable to keep a distance and allow him to decide whether you are still good enough for him or not. 

4. Relationships can be sex free but it doesn't mean that hormones won't rage or that feelings won't rise. We're flesh and blood and those things are the attributes of a living being.
The first thing to do is acknowledge that both of you are humans and have the tendency of having sex with each other.
Second thing is to define the relationship, and give a timeline to your relationship. Dating a man for ten years is as good as torturing yourself sexually and emotionally. To avoid one thing leading to another, there's every need for both of you to plan and support each other so that you don't date endlessly or court for a long period of time. 
Avoid dark corners, those are the best place for a stolen kisses and crazy romance. Avoid exposing your breast or displaying your body for his admiration because after admiration comes appreciation and you won't say that you were not aware of that. 
Discuss your vision, your aspirations, your spirituality, your finances, your careers and your personal development with each other. Sometimes kisses is sweetest when there's silence. 
Finally date an individual who believes is waiting for sex so that you will avoid the unnecessary pressure and challenges that comes with always looking for one excuse or the other to give to avoid having sex with him. 
These are some tips that will guide you in your relationship journey, I'm hopeful that others will add more tips to these.
Above all, always remember that you are responsible for your choices and decisions and you are the best person to decide who you feel is the best partner for your journey.
Love is beautiful, especially when you are with an ordinary individual who makes you feel extraordinary and gives you the reason to desire longer life on earth.


  1. Recommended DOWNLOADS to get to clear your confusion:

    *1. The 12 Tests of Love, by Tekena Ikoko
    *2. Who Should I Marry?,by Kingsley Okonkwo
    *3. Destiny Mismatch,by Sam Oye
    *4. Before You Say 'I DO',by Sam Oye
    *5. Before You Say 'I DO'(1,2,3),by Olumide Emmanuel
    *6. Two(2) Kinds of Husbands,by Fela Durotoye
    *7. Is He Into Me,Or Does He Want To Get Into Me,by Steve Harris
    *8. Resolving Conflicts In Relationships,by Poju Oyemade
    *9. Preparing for Marriage,by Tumise Ewedemi
    *10. Finding Your Life Partner,by Joseph Prince
    *11. How To Find True Love,by Pastor Bankie
    *12. The Rules of Engagement,by Ezekiel Atang

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