Saturday, September 10, 2016

He's So Different From The Man I Married.

Ma, please I really need your advice, am a 25 years married to a 37 years old guy. We got married in June this year and are waiting for the white wedding. I and my husband didn't date much, he was in Lagos and I was in the east.
Before then we communicate on phone and also see anytime he came down to the east.... I fell in love with him but ma he is so different from the way he was before we got married..
He doesn't tell me things, we don't communicate well, somethings we will be in the same bed without talking to each other, his attention will be on his phone... He likes doing things when he wants and how he wants it without my opinion and knowledge. He doesn't tell me when he is going out, sometimes even if he does he will just say he is coming without saying where he is going to.
He doesn't discuss issues with me as his wife, sometimes I find it hard to talk to him as if am scared or something, sometimes I cry in his absence because it's not the type of life I wanted for myself. Am am emotional person and I like to love and to be loved but my husband is not romantic, he always see himself as he is mature not to do some things.
He travelled to the east for a burial, in the process the mum died, although she has been sick for a long time but he couldn't call to tell me about it rather I heard it from someone else in the night. When I asked him, he said it's not a good thing that happened that is why he didn't tell me. My friends thinks am the happiest girl but they don't know how much my heart hurts all the time, sometimes I manage to be happy.
Since I came to Lagos, he has never called my mum on the phone, even when I asked him to call her he refused.
He is always stubborn, my sister told me to come out if I think I cannot deal with him in years to come... Ma please help me, I don't know what to do, he is too strong for me and I don't want to have a failed marriage and I also don't want to be an unhappy girl... Please help me, it hurt me so much.

Though his attitude towards you calls for concern but I will encourage you not to panic or lose hope in your marriage. 
It's good that you spotted these communication challenges between you and your husband, and I feel that it's appropriate for both of you to address this before wedding to enable you to communicate effectively with him without having any lapses. 
When he returns back or after the burial depending on whatever maybe the plan, please sit down with him and pour your heart to him and please insist on either that he writes to me or that both of you schedule for a counselling session with a seasoned counsellor before wedding so that both of you can learn how to communicate with each other as husband and wife. 
If this is not corrected now, it has the potential to destroy your marriage in the future, and have a negative impact on all other areas of your life and marriage. 
Again, please learn how to express your views to him and avoid bottling up everything and crying in his absence. It's healthier when you open up and let him know how you feel than for you to close your mouth and pretend to be cool with him when you're dying inside. 
I am hopeful that counselling will address these issues that you have raised in your marriage. 
So please put the marriage on hold until these challenges have been addressed.

1 comment:

  1. i cant begin to tell u hw lucky u are to av noticed all derse nw bfr u say 'i do'. dere is still tym to correct tins nw .if u cant cope with dese attitude,call d wedding off. i wish i had dis opportunity u av nw


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