Wednesday, September 7, 2016

I'm Scared of Marrying an Abusive, Disrespectful and Domineering Lady.

Ma may God continue to bless you the more, empower you with greater wisdom of counselling. Ma I recently terminated my relationship with my girlfriend. What actually led to our separation was the fact that I got her corrected why she did not remember to cover her hair while cooking for the family,
she got offended and washed her hands, left the food that we were both eating.
I tried talking to her but rather she started singing and making me look like a fool. We weren't talking to each other while she was at my place, and after she left we bought exchanged messages that led to serious abuses from both side. This is not the first time I got an abusive word from her for no reason, she called me a stupid man, she later realised her mistake and tendered an apology which I accepted.
Severally she has abused me to my face, she called me a fool, stupid, wizard, bargar, lizard, short water-leaf man, she insulted me in all areas of my life.
Ma I am confused, is it advisable to make peace with this lady and and bring her back because this is the lady I intend to go and pay her bride price on November this year, but she is not even aware of this. Please ma advice me on what to do, I am scared of a woman being my wife and manifesting the act of abusive, domineering, disrespect, and doesn't have regard for me. Thanks. I***

A lady who you have not paid anything on her head came to your house and she selflessly decided to prepare a meal for the family, finished and both of you were graciously enjoying the meal, and then you realised that she didn't cover her hair while preparing the meal. And of all time to correct her, you chose to correct her when both of were eating the meal. 
A lady who sacrificed her time and energy (perhaps she even sponsored the food with her savings, who knows) to prepare a meal for you won't be expecting complaints about her hair not being covered and that was why she reacted the way she did. 
Is it that the food wasn't tasty for you to compliment her? Was it that you forgot that she invested her time to prepare the meal for both of you? Even if you weren't comfortable with the way she left her hair uncovered while preparing the meal, couldn't you wait until both of you have finished eating before reminding her of that? 
You see, ladies love compliments and appreciation and can give anything to receive the appreciation of her partner, but complaints wears them out and crushes every atom of joy in them. And to be frank with you, you didn't get that right, and who knows other things that you have criticised or complained of in her personality. 
You told me that she insults you and calls you all manner of names, but I believe that you must have triggered the name calling for her to respond in such a manner. You won't tell a lady 'I love you' and she will start insulting you, there are some things that you omitted in your mail to make her look like a disrespectful lady and an arrogant lady too. 
That notwithstanding, I will encourage you to make peace with her and resolve whatever differences both of you may have which lead to the confrontations and abuse, but whether to continue with the relationship or marry her, it's entirely your decision to make. 
I won't encourage you to marry a lady who doesn't respect you or a lady who constantly insults your personality or abuses you verbally. So if you wish to continue with her, please encourage her to write to me here so that I can have a word or two with her and help her understand how to manage her tongue. 
On your part, you need to learn how to communicate to the heart of a lady and not crush her esteem. You need to understand the emotions of your partner and how to get her to listen to your suggestions without making her feel stupid or hurt by your words. 
When you treat your partner as part of you, she won't disrespect or insult your personality.

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