Wednesday, September 21, 2016

I'm Worried That I May Regret Getting Married To Him.

May heaven continue to empower you ma!
Am a young girl of 21, a single mum(gave birth to my angel at 17), currently am a 300level student in one of the higher institutions in Nigeria!
I have been in a relationship with a guy since 2014, we love each other and he cherishes my girl a lot. He met my parents last
two months and they accepted his proposal but on a condition that I must get through with my education first, which he accepted..
Anytime our relationship seems to be too serious, I always get troubled, something within me always tell me that I might regret getting married to him in future since I want to please myself with people around and displease God!...
This guy in question is faithful and good in every aspect (but his spiritual life with God is not strong at all)
Sequel to this, his family background also scares me sometimes. His grandfather had a land issue with someone, though the land actually belongs to him, but he diabolically put something in that land which killed the man(who wants to forcefully take his land). The granddad is dead now, and since then till today, the land has been rendered useless and nobody has entered it except the family members..
There's also another guy who is seriously seeking for my hand in marriage, met him in January this year, he's a believer (his content is also what I want in a man)he also knows everything about my girl, but I don't have much feelings for him...
Note: I don't double date, I have been in love with the first guy since 2014.
The idea of hurting the first guy(break up) after being there for me weighs me down... Please help me out, I don't want to fail God, cos He has been merciful and kind unto me(both me and my daughter are schooling under scholarship. God did it for me when I least expected it, I know how tough it has been for me, but He hasn't failed me yet!
What should I do now? Have been praying over a week now, for his direction, please what else can I do?

Why do you get troubled with your partner? What do you mean by 'his spiritual life is nothing to write home about'? 
As regards to land dispute of his family, you are not in the best position to judge the decision of his grandfather simply because you feel that he went through diabolical means to protect what perhaps the law and other individuals would have denied him of. Maybe if a strange lady drags you to court with her wealth to claim your daughter as hers, and you come out strong enough, perhaps you may understand what it feels like to be robbed of your own inheritance. If you were never in his shoes, please quit criticising his decision simply because you're looking for an easy way to leave your partner. 
Truth is that if you're not comfortable with his personality and his personal relationship with God, you can actually let him know and move on with your life without dragging his grandfather into your relationship. That your family accepted him doesn't mean that you must marry him or that he's already your husband.
Until you're married to him, you have every legitimate freedom and right to walk away, because marriage is not what you go into to please others, it's your own journey to eternity. So if for any reason at all your heart is not at peace, perhaps there are some attributes of abuse, or there are some his personality traits that you are not comfortable with, and you have tried your best to help him improve on those weaknesses but it's still poses a threat to your relationship, please let him know in plain words that you are not comfortable with those attributes and that you wish to move on with your life. 
I have to remind you that your happiness and fulfilment in your marriage is dependent solely on your choice of partner and your decision in life. Please don't accept a man who doesn't share the same values and convictions with you. Don't be sentimental about this because it will affect every aspect of your life as a lady.
Also, please do not accept a man who doesn't love your daughter as his own daughter and is willing to accept her in his life. 
Do not accept suitors because they're desperate for marriage, let your purpose for accepting a man's proposal be because you're at peace with him, you are in love with him, you're comfortable with his personality, you're willing to submit to his leadership, and you're willing to accept his family as your own with little or no struggles. 
It's not something that requires so much prayers and fasting but your sincerity, honesty, objectivity and personal evaluation of what you need in a man and the virtues that you desire in your husband.


  1. You've an amazing blog. It helps solve so many human relationships conflicts. all the best for your future blogging endeavors.

  2. There is nothing more to add to this, you have said it all Amara, young lady simply follow her advice and do what will give you peace, people court for eight years and more and still go their separate ways but am not in any way encouraging you to quit, just be very certain that he is not the right man for you on this journey of life before taking that step, other wise still give yourself sometime to think it through properly. As regard his relationship with God you might need to explain further for me to know what you meant by that, is that he does not go to church at all or he goes when it is convenient for him or is it that he does not believe in the Jesus at all? You will need to explain further before one can say anything on that and more so have you tried on your own to encourage him on this regard? Let me also say this as a way of caution, the new guy you met this year that has the qualities you want I want to believe is based on his spiritual level that made you to say that but don't also forget we have pastors that flirts, pastors that drinks, pastors that beats their wife and even pastors that are also into diabolic things. So just be careful and work with the leading of God's Spirit but much more important is your peace of heart, don't trade it for anything.

  3. Innocent Edeh thank you for this wonderful advice to the poster.


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