Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Am I Forcing Him To Marry Me?

Good morning ma, I am a big fan of your page. Thank you for the work the Lord has been doing through you. Am a 27 years old lady from Anambra, and also a single mum in love with a 37 years old guy from Imo. 
I gave birth in my 300level in the university, I couldn't drop out of school because I wanted to graduate with my mates. Thank God with my determination and with the help of my friends I graduated this year, and is preparing for service by November.
After giving birth, I found myself unattractive as before and didn't think I will be able to get married to the level of husband I wanted.
About this guy in question, we met in the bus, after a lengthy conversation on phone, he introduced me to his family and told me how urgent he wanted to get married and start producing children since his younger brother who he trained in school got a girl pregnant and married before him. So he told me he wants to marry me but I turned him down because:
1. I don't know him very well 
2. The little I know, his mum is staying in one of their uncle's house instead of her husband's house, because his dad married three wife, and because of family issues she moved in there, and my guy is staying in another of their uncle's compound. 
They are just scattered and before my guy travelled back, he begged me to be pregnant for him which I refused, and told him I wanted to finish my education which was less than four months. 
After he travelled back the story changed, he told me he hasn't got a sign that am his wife, that I should praying. I told him I am. At a time he stopped calling, I used my money to call him, I even start subscribing in order to chat and call him through video call. Few months ago, I lost my elder sister who has being supporting me and my son. Her sister came for the burial, and I have gone to his aunt's burial last month. 
When am in their house, he do call everyday to speak with his family with my own subscription, but since I left there, he hardly picks his call. Whenever he picks, he complains of how a brother eats his money, that he doesn't have any money to call, he's down now, that I should pray for him, that he doesn't know what is happening to him.
To me, he doesn't know how to plan because the money he used in buying that his Lexus 330, he would have used it to start his house. He always complain that he doesn't have money but his brother who went to Indonesia through his help asked him for school fees and he gave it to him. It is that his brother that told me everything. From what his step sister told me, they are using my guy to achieve their aim (the brother, sister, mum ), but my guy doesn't know. 
He is still considering them by telling me he wants his mum to stay with me when we get married, I told him am not against that but I will not stay in the village. Aunty can you believe that his younger brother asked me to go to the bank with the mother and open an account with mum's name, and make him the next of kin to, that account instead of my guy who is the first son. 
I was calling him to use style to relate the issue to him but he doesn't pick as usual so I got upset and told him that I will never call his line again, it seems am the one forcing him to marry me. Ma please I need your advice, whether to go on or stop chasing shadows. His Facebook detail is (s***)

I understand that you desire to get married but that doesn't mean that you should lose your conscience and esteem by imposing yourself on him. 
He hasn't declared his intentions to marry you so why are you pushing yourself into their family and trying to be relevant where your opinion doesn't matter? 
You want to plan his finances for him, yet you are using your money to sustain the relationship. 
You are defending him but he's busy planning his future without you. 
Please consider leaving him and his baggage, truth is that you deserve better than this, and no matter what you do to prove that you love him, it is not a guarantee that he will marry you.

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