Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Is There Any Hope For My Marriage?

Good morning Mrs Van-Lare, I am a fan of yours and would love your advice on this issue am in.
I got married to my husband at the age of 35 years in year 2013. We had a long distance relationship for four years before finally tying the knot in 2013, which makes it seven years of my knowing him. Right from day one that I moved in with him in Abuja from Lagos, I have been emotionally and psychologically abused.

Up till date, the only time he took me out was my first birthday in Abuja in 2014. He always complained that his work schedule is tight etc. Since we got married, I found out that he sees a particular lady in Abuja which I always complain
about but he kept saying they are mere friends and have known since 2007 before he even met me, and he would not discard his friends because he married me.
When he went out, I saw his chats with her, he passworded his phone. Earlier this year I found out he saved her contact number with Ifunanya on his mobile device. We argued on this but he kept denying she is the one despite my knowing so much about this lady.
In July of this year I decided to take the bull by the horn and called the lady. She told me my hubby never told her that he is married till date. Although she friendzoned him since 2008 when she found out some things about him that he is deceitful, and never graduated as he claimed but she hasn't told him till date of which he accepted.
She asked if he takes me out, buys me gift and other things a man does for his wife, my answer to all was no. When she asked if he eats at home, I said yes. She was shocked that she always gives him dinner when he drops her in her house daily because she sees him as a bachelor, that he picks her at home every morning to and fro work. Sponsors her overseas trips even forces it on her to hangout together on public holidays and weekends, that he takes so much care of her but she can't ever marry him. She claims she let go of him whenever she has a prospective suitor and only comes back to him when her relationship with other men doesn't work out.
We agreed to meet in her office with my wedding album because she said she needs conviction which I did. She played her recorded conversation of her and my hubby on that day he still went to pick her from the office. On the recorded voice note she was asking him that A** what did I tell you about this relationship and reason for buying the car she just got? His response was you told me you needed your space that you don't want us to be seen together as often as before, that you cannot marry me.
My hubby further told her that he is giving her till the next two years to make up her mind about their marriage. That they ought to have settled down and have the number of kids they desire within five years etc. This is a man that I lost my pregnancy for in the first month, he refused to go for medical check up till date, let alone of desiring a child from me.
Before I left the lady's office on that day, my hubby still called her if she has closed and he said he was coming to pick her, she told him not to bother. He asked what she would eat of which she said she would take care of herself.
All his Abuja friends didn't know he is married because he doesn't take me out to their functions. It's recently some of them got to hear and the lady said she was informed three week before I contacted her.
In a nutshell, the only thing I had from the marriage is constant sexually transmitted infections (STI) and I have a blocked fallopian tube now.
A meeting was held in July between his uncle and mine in Abuja as my parents are in Lagos and his in Ondo state. At the meeting, I said that I needed to go to my parents in Lagos for medical treatment of another infection and pain in the heart, because he said he was broke but I knew my marriage has ended after that meeting, and I resigned from my little job in Abuja and have been with my parents in Lagos since July 21st.
He calls but he is unremorseful and still tells the lady's cousin that my marriage to him is an 'arrangee' of which some of his friends have told me that he told them I shall be travelling out soon and he will marry the lady then, that I have been looking at relocating to the UK since January this year as I didn't see any future in our union. He told some that I am an SS patient and will soon die which would pave way for him to marry the lady.
I have a child of 12 years outside wedlock. Thanks immensely.
I forgot to mention that my hubby has other girls aside K*** and doesn't come to bed till past 2am, which prompted me to open a new Facebook account in another name. We kept chatting, he was promising me his love, he is single and he asked me to send my naked pictures of which I told him he should send his first, which on that particular night I was secretively chatting with him from the bedroom. He came to spy on me and I pretended to be asleep. He put off the light and went to the living room to send his to her.
Since I have caught him where I wanted, I ended the chat and only revealed the lady's identity to him a night before the family meeting by uploading our wedding picture as the lady's profile picture on Facebook, which I still mentioned at the meeting.
Am laughing as I type this but am heartbroken and not yet healed since July that I left Abuja for Lagos.
I once got confused and texted K*** before the meeting that she wants me out of my marriage so that she would marry my hubby, that was when she revealed to me to ask my hubby if he graduated, that she knew this since 2007, and was one of the reasons she can't marry him. That was when my brain got formatted and I knew she has been telling the truth from her side more than my hubby would ever do. I had the premonition before then that my marriage is ending before then, and changed my Facebook surname from his to my maiden name A*** which he never questioned till date

He seems to be in bondage in the marriage and is doing everything within his capacity to frustrate you out of his life so that he can get married to another lady. 
Though K may not want to marry him but the truth is that she's in love with him which is why they've been together for nine years now. 
I feel that the only option both of you can explore now is to involve your families and perhaps agree on whether to continue with the marriage or to move on with your life. 
Acting married and living as singles doesn't have any benefits or impact on both of you. 
He doesn't want to be part of the marriage anymore, he doesn't care about your feelings, he doesn't have any plans with you, and only wish you dead. 
So tell me why you should remain with a man who wants you dead, and shares his private part with every lady on Facebook? 
Let your kindred and his kindred meet together,  and deliberate on the future of the marriage, so that both of you can decide to either work on your marriage or separate from each other. 

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