Wednesday, September 7, 2016

How Can A Man Stay For Six Months Without Having Sex With His Wife?

Good afternoon Mrs Van-Lare. You're so blessed with wisdom and beauty. Though I have written to you before and your advice helped me a lot. I still need you and your fans advice on some things that are bothering me. I don't want to share with friends cos they will make jest of me and my family later.
I have married for eight years with four kids. Am 34 why my hubby is 39. He is a nice man not just to me and his kids but to everyone that comes in contact with him. In short he can leave his immediate family just to please others (extended family members, casual friends and his workers).
He takes advice from his secretary instead of me.
Am emotionally abused. He hardly get intimate with me, when I complain he will start giving flimsy excuses like "my work is stressful that's why I get so tired whenever I get home", but he chats all the time even till midnight. He answers his female friend's calls in my presence as it means nothing. If I complain he will say I always find fault in every little thing. He provides for the family but doesn't respect our marriage. He locked his phone, doesn't receive holy communion, comes back late on a daily basis.
Recently I managed to see an almost nude picture of a lady that is related to one of his workers in his phone. I confronted him about it and he denied it. I also confronted the lady and she equally denied that there's nothing going on between them. A lady once confessed to me how he helped her financially when she was writing her project. I haven't caught him pants down with any girl but I sense he is cheating on me. How can a man stay for four to six months without having sex with his wife. Am really losing it. Be my confidant and advise me on what to do. Am depressed to the extent I sometimes transfer aggression to my kids.
I have fasted, prayed, sowed seed even adopted prayer patten I learnt from the movie 'War room ' all to no avail. The worst is that he doesn't see anything wrong in what he is doing. Nobody will believe me outside cos he looks so humble and very nice to people no matter whom the person is. I don't really have that inner joy though I work and earn salary, but I don't want to look for happiness elsewhere, just want to be happy in my own matrimonial home. God bless you as you provides solutions to people's problems.

This is not a prayer and fasting problem, it's not what watching war room can solve. This is a communication breakdown and sexual challenges and must be approached with all honesty and sincerity. 
I took my time to check out his profile and there is a tendency that he maybe drinking or consuming more alcohol which has a negative impact on a man's sexual performance. 
If for four to six months your husband haven't had sex with you, it's either that he has some sexually related challenge or difficulties or that he's getting it from someone else and you need to tackle it with all maturity and wisdom. 
The first thing is to express your frustration and pains to your husband. One of the reasons that you got married to him is to have great and quality sex with him (no need for pretence) and if you're not getting it from him, he's only pushing you out to seek for sexual satisfaction elsewhere. 
Let him know that you are no longer comfortable with the pressure he's putting on you and the frustrations that you're experiencing as a result of this. If he has any sexual challenges or limitations, he should open up to you so that both of you can work on it. It's understandable if he's having some problems with his penis or sexual arousal, but it's not fair for him to leave you for six months to struggle with your emotions. 
If he has some sexual struggles, then both of you can visit an urologist or a sex therapist to assist him and help him overcome any difficulties he may be experiencing with respect to meeting your sexual needs.
If he fails to address this or attend to you, please talk to an elder or anyone that he respects and will be very honest with him so that he or she can talk to your husband and help him understand his duties and responsibilities as the husband and your bed mate. 
Where that fails, please talk to his family and let them know your difficulties. You don't pretend to be happy when every night you're rubbing your body on the bed while your husband is chatting with other girls. 
It's extremely selfish and wicked for anyone to starve his or her partner of sex in your matrimonial home. Please don't bottle up your pains and worries and be fasting and praying. Truth is, God has already given answers to that prayer by giving you your own husband so that when it's scratching you, both of can scratch each other. 
Since you don't have enough evidence of him cheating on you, let's drop that down and focus on reviving your bedroom so that you can feel as a woman and not be tempted to go outside for sexual satisfaction.

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