Saturday, September 24, 2016

Should I Wait For His Decision Or Move On With My Life?

Good evening ma, am a lady of 31 years and married to a man of 33 years. We got married last year July 25th to be precise. During our engagement which lasted for a year and three months, my hubby didn't give me any money nor carter for any of my needs though I never asked, only on one occasion but he said he doesn't have this continued. Although I thought he was testing me not knowing my man is a stingy guy.

He has money but he doesn't give it out. When we got married I thought he will change since am now his wife no longer a girlfriend yet he didn't change. When I ask for money for food he will tell me that am I not a working class, later that I should be able to take care of my needs. Ma I practically fed this guy for two weeks before he travelled back to his base in Dubai. He doesn't want me to live there with him. After he left, he sent one of his younger sisters to live with me with the hope he will be sending money for up keep which the sister stayed with me for six months but this guy only sent N10000 for this period. I feed the girl, paid her transport fares, paid my house rent and also got a job for her to do her internship.
Aunty even when his mother came to Lagos for a wedding, she slept in our house, she told me she is staying for three days but it turned to two weeks, during those times I was still the one catering for everything yet this family hates me.
They left happily but after three days one of the sisters sent me a WhatsApp message insulting me, telling me that my mother-in-law came to his sons house and I couldn't give her food only indomie that I gave them. In was shocked because during their visit I cooked yam porridge, beans and plantain, okra soup, egwusi soup, oha soup, jollof rice plus the noodles which we normally eat at night. But these sister-in-laws of mine forgot all these foods but only remembered indomie alone.
I told my hubby, he said I should ignore them that he loves me and that he will deal with them by himself which he never did till today, but out of anger I told them never to step their feet in my home again since they are ungrateful. My main problems started in June when I went to visit my hubby for two weeks in Dubai. We lodged in a hotel because of accommodation problem I accepted, never doubted him but when I came back I wasn't pregnant rather I got infection from him which he denied and bluntly told me he had no infection that I was the one that has it.
Aunty Amara this guy had to torture my life emotionally by calling me names, that other women once they have sex they get pregnant but mine is different that am I sure am even going to give birth. I was shocked, please remember this is the first time am sleeping with my hubby. Because during the wedding I was on my period and he left when am about to ovulate.
On the 27th of August I went to market, there was a great rain, I stayed for the rain to stop before heading home. When I reached home I saw my hubby's missed calls like nine times. I called him back and he started insulting me, calling me slut and other names that am flirting in Lagos that's why I refused to pick his calls. I wanted to explain myself but there was no room for me to do so. He bluntly told me to quit my job and move over to Aba and stay with his mother if I still want to continue in this marriage.
Since that day he doesn't call, he doesn't pick my calls, he blocked me on Facebook. Now he changed his Facebook status from married to single. He deleted all my pictures with him from the wedding to Dubai pictures. Aunty I haved prayed fasted, involved my parents and his but no response from him. Where did I go wrong, although I love this man and still want him back buy one thing am not ready to do is quitting my job which is the only thing that keeps me going. That's where I feed and pay my bills. I need your advice aunty whether to keep on waiting for his decisions or to move on with my life. My parents are meeting his this December to conclude things, am on a cross road.
This guy drinks, smokes when we dated back in school he told me he has quit all these but immediately after the wedding he started all over again. He always humiliate me even beat me once in Dubai which he promised never to do so. Please help me so that I won't bring children and suffer them, I deserve a happy home. Waiting for your swift response Ma. Thank you for reading.

I'm tempted to assume that you married him or loved him because he's in Dubai, if not I'm still wondering how you saw all these glaring signs and still went ahead to marry him.
Your mail was filled with so many assumptions with no certainty. He is stingy but you assumed that he was testing you, he didn't cater for your needs but you thought that he will change after wedding.
There was no plan, no discussion, no programme, it's as though they bundled you into marriage and you gladly embraced the 'MRS' title and the yoke of the devil.
You feed your husband, can't tell where he's living in Dubai or whether he's married over there, went there and imported foreign infections in Nigeria, and you're here suffering the humiliation from his family because obviously they don't want you to eat the money of their son.
Well, this is not a marriage please and I will strongly advise that you don't allow anyone to push you into resigning from your job to take care of his mum, that was not the terms of agreement. It's humiliating enough to feed your husband and his family but dehumanising to be a slave to his mother.
After the reconciliation meeting, please let it be stated clearly that you will either stay with him or you return back to your family, that you will never condone any form of physics abuse, that he must provide for the family, that you will never resign to stay with his mother.
If these terms and conditions are not met, simply know that you have signed your death warrant in the name of marriage.
Your mail is devastating, I pray that God will give you the wisdom and the grace to manage this mess.

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