Saturday, October 22, 2016

He Doesn't Want To Come Back Again.

Good day ma, as you are attending to peoples problems in marriages and relationships, may God in his infinite mercy attend to your own problems in Jesus name ***Amen. 
Am a lady of 30 years and in love with a man of 37 years, we are truly in love, we have the same dreams and vision. I learnt skill work before he sent me back to school, and am now a graduate of chemical engineering this year by the grace of God. He went aboard for his masters and with the help of his families over there, he got his resident permits, and he has a nice job. 

The problem now is that he doesn't want to come back claiming that I told him not to because when the eldest sister lost her husband he did not make it because his work did not permit him to do so according to him, but his work or he permitted himself when his chairman died. He called me that he is coming for the burial, I told him that am not a party to it, since he did not for his brother-in-law's burial, he should not also come for his chairman's own. 
Ma, the main problem now is this, he sent me money and the day I got the alert, I was very very angry because my project supervisor cancelled my project when I have gone half way, with the annoyance that I have and the money involved, I sent a message to him that I received what he gave me but it won't be enough for what I want to with it, anyway shaa, thank you (Nsogbu adia.) no problem. 
I know that was very stupid and selfish of me to say, but it was very late when I realised my mistake. He called me and told me that am an ingrate, that I have done it before and he corrected me and I have repeated it again, that he doesn't want anything that will bring problem between us in future, that he is going to punish me by not sending money to me again, but since the incident our discussions and chats are now news in brief, am just confused because I don't know my fate again. 
Another one, his family are on my neck, telling me that if I don't know my work I should step outside let who knows how to do it come in (O buru na two achoghi iku, ya puo n'uzo ka three kuo) since am not interested to get married, I should leave it to someone who is interested. I brought up the marriage issue again cos we have talked about it before (I just shit for mosque carry Koran clean yansh), he told me that what is mine is mine no matter how long or years it take, if I can't wait for him, I should go ahead and get married, if I invite him, he'll come. 
Please ma, I don't know what next to do cos am confused now. Sorry for the long write up is for you to understand my plight. Looking forward for my reply, thanks.

Though you may have genuine reason for suggesting that he shouldn't come for his boss' burial, I feel that you should have allowed him to decide what he feels is the best for him to do. Telling him bluntly that you are not part of his decision was sending a subtle message that you were never interested in meeting with him and in his decision to attend the burial. 
I don't want to talk more about your attitude to him when he sent some money to you. I want to believe that you understood what happened and why you should apologise for your insensitivity and selfish attitude to him. 
What I feel that you should do is plead for him to come back home so that both of you can see and talk about your marriage. If he can sponsor you to travel to his base, that would be perfect, and will create an ample opportunity for both of you to talk and then iron out some of the grey areas in your relationship.

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