Thursday, October 27, 2016

I Feel That Everyone is Better Than Me.

Good day aunty Amara, I've been an avid reader of your blog, and I sent a mail once. My story might be a bit long cos it sums up my whole life, please pardon me. 
I'm a 25 years old lady, a final year student. My troubles started after I failed my preliminary years and I have had to stay longer in school, I somehow began to lose myself and I've felt like the worst. 
Later I met a guy who became my pillar of strength, and I felt better
for those few months we dated but he broke up with me cos I didn't succumb to his sexual plea. I was devastated to say the least, it took me months to pick up myself. I had few rebound boyfriends, though I didn't sleep with any but non felt like him. 
Since then I've been single, I became very bitter afterwards and life meant nothing to me anymore, and even up till now I feel like I've got no place in this world. I became a back bencher and late comer in church as I resigned from church activities, still worldly activities didn't seem to interest me so I felt lost. 
I'm  picking up myself now and becoming a bit more active in church but I have chronic stage freight that makes me shiver when I am asked to present songs or speak, so I mostly decline when am asked to do things, and it kills me so much cos I would like to be more active. 
Now my major problem is that I feel everyone is better than me. From my younger sister who is much more beautiful and has a serious relationship, down to the normal girl on the street or church that seems to have a normal life. I'm not in any relationship and I wish I am, I'm not a bad person, people say I'm kind-hearted, although I could be a snub especially cos I'm very shy and don't know how to act around people especially when I think the person is better. 
I'm already 25 and my family is looking forward to me getting married, I even feel my younger sister is stylishly waiting for me to graduate and get married so she doesn't have do so before me as she already looks ready. But I have no one and it's killing me. I'm not jealous of anyone but I wish I have what they have, right now happiness is far away from me.

We all have failed at one point in our journey. When we were infants, we walked, fell, stood up again and again, until we were able to master the art of walking, before we started running. 
You don't need to lose your esteem and confidence because of your academic journey. The challenge is not necessarily in your inability to scale through your exams but your mindset to academics entirely. 
To some, academics means getting good grades, getting a certificate, and landing a great job after graduation, but the truth is that academics is beyond getting good grades or acquiring certificate, it's understanding the principles, the basics, the internal and external mechanisms of a process and programmes that give birth to the product that everyone uses. It is a lifetime process that requires patience, understanding, and willingness to invest your heart and time to grow in your academic purpose. If you don't open your mind to learn, you will definitely struggle when you have a challenge or a setback in your academics. 
Sometimes in education you may need to try again, and prepare yourself so that you can master a particular course or understand a particular concept. Having a poor result in itself is not the problem but your maturity to view it as a part of a learning process is what makes a whole difference in your academic journey.
Everyone else experiences stage freight in his life, the only difference is in having the courage to take the first step, and consistently preparing yourself for every public event. Most often the fear only exists in our imagination because the very moment the microphone is in your mouth and your mind is prepared for the meeting, speaking becomes effortless and rewarding. 

These tips may be helpful. 

Take your time to study your audience 

Prepare adequately for your speaking engagement. 

Talk slowly and take a deep breath, standing alone in the public defies every fear and tension that comes with public speaking. 

Try to always look into the eyes of your audience if you can, or learn to focus on their forehead so that you can maintain a healthy communication during your speaking engagement. 

Start by speaking to the lady in your mirror and always practice before any speaking engagement. 

Finally, the only way to overcome shyness and timidity is by stepping out and trying the very thing that you are afraid of. 
The more you try, the more you improve on your performance and become a better public speaker. 
If a man runs away from God, he will definitely make a mess of his own journey. Like the prodigal son, please decide to return to your maker, the one who understands all your fears and worries and heals the broken hearted. 
Please open your heart to friendship and mingle with individuals who share the same convictions and values with you. Let your heart be willing to give love another chance and choose not to limit yourself to your ex. He was the best while the relationship lasted but since he couldn't respect your decision to wait until wedding, it won't be nice for you to keep him in your heart and then limit others from reaching out to you. 
He has already moved on with his life and he's happy with his decision, I feel that you should consider moving on with your life and avoid making comparison with your past relationships. 
We are all unique in our personality, nobody is more beautiful than the other but our perception of beauty and the things that we value is what differs from one individual to another. Your sister is not more beautiful than you and you shouldn't have inferior perception of your personality, body and image, but choose to accept yourself and love your imperfect perfections.
Please don't let anyone make you feel as though you're running late or make you feel that you must marry so that your sister can get married, you may end up being stressed and under pressure to marry. 
I will rather suggest that you encourage anyone who is ready for marriage to go ahead and marry because both of you will not marry the same man, and there's no need for anyone to pity you because you haven't seen your partner.
In no distant future, God will bless you with your own husband and perfect all that concerns you. Exercise your faith and convictions and allow God to guide you through this lonely path of your journey.

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