Monday, October 17, 2016

Is There Any Possibility Of Him Becoming Violent After Wedding?

Thanks for all you do AVL, I will like to hear your opinion about this. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man. He is every girl's dream man, and we are preparing to get married next year, so to prepare for our marriage we have vowed to be transparent to each other and talk about everything. Sometimes we disagree on some issues but there is this issue that whenever we bring up bothers me a lot.
He said that there is a great probability of him slapping me when we finally live together. Although in our almost four years of relationship he never tried it but he kept telling me that he is hot tempered and have slapped his ex before.
We are both based outside our country and the time I have spent with him I kept trying to annoy him so that I will see the level of his anger but he will simply not talk to me. No matter how much I preach to him that he should rebuke such negative  thinking he never budge and always insist on his opinion. 
My question is how do I make him stop such backward thinking and as a person that have passed through domestic violence yourself, do you think there is a possibility of him becoming violent when we finally settle down..

Domestic violence doesn't just happen accidentally but it's a conscious and deliberate act of an individual who feels that the best approach to resolve a disagreement or misunderstanding is by using violent or emotional means to express their disapproval of a particular thing. 
For some, it could be as a result of their family upbringing where they witnessed the abuse of their own mother, for some, it could be as a result of unforgiving spirit that regenerates to malice and then violence, for some they're provoked into violence by the attitude of the wife, for some it could be as a result of external influence which includes in-laws, extra marital affairs, drinking, smoking and association with the wrong kind of individuals. 
A man who believes in physical violence will most likely be abusive to his partner, same is a lady who believes in provoking her partner to know the level of his anger. 
You don't go about provoking your partner to test his anger threshold, or doing some nasty thing in the name of trying to find out whether he will react. He may not react now because he knows that you will back out, but after paying your bride prize, a little provocation will most likely push him to slap you or beat you. 
Both of you need to enroll for emotional intelligence programme or counselling to help you understand what marriage entails, and prepare yourself for marriage. Physical violence no matter how little is a threat to life and all that life represents. One slap can take a lady to the grave, so openly declaring that he will slap you in your marriage is not a healthy thing to boast about. On your own part, testing his anger is not the most appropriate way to help him understand his emotions, rather avoiding those things that have the tendency to trigger his anger is what will help him overcome his weakness.

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