Saturday, October 15, 2016

Should I Confront Him For Lying To Me?

Good afternoon ma.. I really appreciate what you have been doing with a lot of people, it's just amazing we are just short of word, your reward is in heaven..
Two years back I wrote to you about marriage and all the trauma I was going through, your advice and guidance helped me to overcome my trials. It wasn't easy but he(God) helped me,
things are really moving well for us but I still find it difficult to trust  him cos I discovered he has a way of not being completely honest with me.
Few days back he applied for a loan, he was given the money but he is still claimed he is yet to get it and the money is for our rent, but I on the other hand, am open with my finances. I want to confront him but my best friend thinks otherwise, that almost all men do that. Sometimes it's like a taboo for me to even have money especially my salary, he wants to collect everything....
What annoys me most is that he lies when I know how much he used to take care of me and my children.. I work and he still gives me some monthly allowance, cos of these little things, it's making me wonder if really he has really changed or just got smarter. I still snoop around to check his phone, I have not seen anything for me to worry about but I still have my trust issues and it's really eating me up.
Am I being paranoid? Do you think it's okay for me to confront him? Secondly, I had a stillbirth few month back with my third child full term(9 months). The doctor said I have to wait for at least, six weeks before we resume sex but just three weeks after, we couldn’t wait. I hope medically it won't have any effect on me... Thank you ma.

I am sincerely sorry for the loss of your baby, I pray that God will heal your heart and comfort you with his love and peace of mind. 
The six weeks that doctors recommend is to help your body heal of any pains or tear within the vaginal region and to help your cervical muscles heal before resuming sexual activities. 
As long as you don't feel pains or discomfort during sexual intercourse, I don't think that you should be worried about that. 
It will be extremely difficult for you to trust a lair or a man who is not transparent with his financial dealings. If you don't trust him, how do you hope to be happy with him? How  do you hope to enjoy sex with him or even confide in him or be honest with him without feeling cheated and hurt? 
Your friend may feel that it's not necessary for you to discuss with your husband but I feel that if you have lost your peace of mind and trust in your husband, there's every need for you to talk about it and address everything that you are not comfortable with. 
He's not your boyfriend but your husband and he's not getting any smarter but losing his essence as the leader and role model of your marriage. Talk to him without disrespecting or insulting him and remind him of the attributes that you knew him with before you married him. 
Encourage him to open up and be honest with you so that both of you can work together and achieve the vision in your home
Marriage is a lot beautiful and lovely when there's no lies, suspicions, and insincerity. 

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