Sunday, November 13, 2016

Am I Ungrateful for His Sacrifice?

Good morning ma, please I need your help. I have been in a relationship for four years with a man who has been training me in school because I am from a poor home. His family loves me and accepted our relationship. Few days into the relationship I told him that I am AS while he said he is AA.

Few months later when he came back for Christmas, I told him to go with me to the lab for confirmation but he said we shall go some other time. He went back to Lagos and he kept on calling and paying my bills, so last year March he told me that he will be coming to pay my bride price in April and the traditional wedding will be in December, then I told him that I will not accept without a lab test, and he got angry and asked me why I am killing myself over an ordinary lab result even after he had told me that he is AA.
He came back during Easter and came to my father's house with a lab result and told me that he hope that I am satisfied but I told him that I am not and will not be satisfied until we go together for lab test. My parents got angry and said that I like long procedures too much, that if I lose this man I may not get any other man like him but I stood my ground and the bride price was postponed.
So last year November he called and told me that he will be coming for both white wedding/Traditional wedding in December but I told him am not interested until I get a lab result, so he got angry and he stopped calling/chatting me, and I also ignored him.
His parents invited me to know why I have been delaying the marriage and I told them everything and they promised to speak to him. He later called and apologised and I accepted. So in October this year he came back with his new car and he bought gifts for me and told me that he doesn't want this year to pass us bye since I am through with studies. He informed his parents and mine and both families were happy.
Two days later I told him to come so that we will go for lab but he kept on giving excuses, he visited my dad and told my dad that they should make the list available to him because he will be coming for introduction by Sunday. My dad was so happy but I told them I will not accept anything without lab, so he should forget everything for now. He got angry and left, I also ignored him and my parents talked and abused me but I just picked my bag and left to a friend's place.
He later called and pleaded with me and I forgave him, reaching on Monday last week he came back from Lagos and confessed to me that he is AS but I told him that a lab result will convince me so he went with me and when the results came out we were both AS. It was a terrible day for me and he cried and cried and pleaded with me to marry him because he will die without me but I told him how impossible it is, I told him I will never make that as a mistake to endanger the lives of my future kids.
I took the matter to both parents and they said it doesn't matter, his mother told me that both her and her husband are AS and they didn't have any SS as a child but I stood my ground and told them that I will never try such. It became a big problem between both families so I left to a friend's place to cool my head. I have tried my best to explain to them the dangers of doing otherwise but they said I am ungrateful and I want to dump their son.
Please Aunty Amara help me with advice.

It's quite an unfortunate experience but one that you must make a firm decision irrespective of the feelings and opinions of your family, friends, and relatives. 
The obvious truth is that getting married to a man who is a carrier exposes both of you to the possibility of having a sickler as a child. 
It's better to weep now and smile later than to marry him and weep with your child for the rest of your life. 
They maybe looking at it from what your partner did but you need to examine it from the impact that your decision will have on your children. 
Give him some time and space to enable him to heal of his pains but please do not get married out of sentiments because it won't be enough to manage a sickler after wedding.
You may encourage him to write to me here so that I can have a word or two with him.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)