Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

Let us look at sexual intimacy in marriage.

Love, sex, and marriage without the relational emphasis are just the sexual act; they leave people empty, dissatisfied, and feeling guilty.

This explains just one reason why pornography (even apart from the terrible psychological addiction), is so destructive: it delivers a momentary, addictive pleasure without the core dimension of intimacy.

Don’t be deceived, that you have the energy to bang her forever doesn’t mean you are good at it. That you have a very big penis doesn’t mean you know what you are doing; the size doesn’t always matter.

Communication allows difficult topics to be openly discussed. Frustration accumulates when a husband and wife are not able to communicate about problems, desires, fears, or a host of other regularly unspoken issues that impact their sexual experience. Some women suffer frigidity due to past experiences and unresolved anger and that is a great hindrance to their enjoying sex and intimacy. If you love her, you must get her to that level where she can let it out even if tears flow. You must assure her of your love. Assuring a woman of your love is not about speaking all the love words; show it.

 If there are issues you have with her, dont keep it to yourself; let it out. Some men send me messages lamenting over the foul smell that oozes out of madam’s vagina during sex. I know how you feel; no sane man enjoys that. But your wife is your best friend and so you should be able to respectfully and lovingly discuss that with her and find a solution together. You can even talk to your family gynaecologist about it before talking to her.

Communication does it and this takes us to the next ingredient-Care. You will go out of your way to seek solution to things that bother your spouse. You wont just fold your hands and watch her go through it because you know she is mature and can handle her problems. You show how much you care when you can go and book appointment for her to see the doctor, offer to take her there, find out what the problem is and lend a helping hand without hurting her ego.

Caring for your partner means providing him/her with the sexual experience that is pleasing  on his/her terms, way, and time frame. A husband caring for his wife might mean he focuses on slow and gentle caresses, speaking of her beauty and his love for her, practicing giving a full body massage, or perhaps giving her a weekend gate away at a live-in spa. When you care for her sexually; when you cherish that intimacy with her, you will not rush in and out of sex because you know that sex means a different thing to real women.

Because you care about your husband, if he wants it clean-shaved, you will shave your southern hemisphere. If he like some hairs on, you will do that for him. If you care about her, you will clear the forest around your scrotum. Caring is about letting go your comfort for another. 

Commitment to sexual intimacy in marriage involves doing what is necessary to achieve it, and eliminating whatever is necessary that impedes it. Commitment also translates into time: you must prioritize your time for sex since busyness is one factor that always gets in the way. Sir, it is wrong to take that call while you are in bed with your spouse. Don’t tell me that is the money you use to take care of her. We existed happily before GSM came; we did business with landlines and so switching it off for one hour won’t kill you.

Never forget that for you to achieve intimacy with your spouse, foreplay must never be ignored. It is the preparation phase of lovemaking, the art of foreplay shouldn’t be underestimated; classically for women, it’s the best part! It is here that intimacy is at a climax, and wives are most enjoying sexual closeness.

The importance of the art of foreplay is understood when men take time well beforehand to focus on building an atmosphere of rest, relaxation, and romance. Removing distractions, stresses, and interruptions allows the woman to enjoy intimacy: the key component of sex. As a master violinist plays his instrument to a climax of musical beauty, so a husband plays his wife’s body, ever so gently, ever so skilfully, to bring her to crescendos of orgasmic splendour. If you can’t play her body exceptionally well after a long time together, there is a problem somewhere.

Mind you; Foreplay must begin long before you are actually in the bedroom. You can’t shout at her all day and then expect her to do the magic at night. You can’t be living carelessly without nurturing her and then expect her to respond very well to you. You hate to hear this, but yes, a man is a provider. Whatever the atmosphere you want in the bedroom at dusk, make it happen at dawn. 

Okay; let me give you some tips to help you with your foreplay. But don’t ever forget this saying: Women are like Slow-Cookers, Men are Like Microwaves. Foreplay is not about getting you sexually gratified—it’s all about preparing your wife for the enjoyments of sexual intimacy. Your ultimate goal is your wife’s satisfaction.

Spend plenty of time kissing gently and gradually more passionately. In kissing her body parts- neck, cheeks, lips, face, please don’t mess up her body with saliva. A good number of women hate that but may never tell you. You can make her feel good without rubbing saliva all over her body. Dry kissing her body does it.

Giving a full body massage will help her relax and the physical touch will create a special measure of intimacy. While you do this, don’t forget to compliment her body verbally. If her body is not like what you see on those edited pictures, don't forget she has gone in and out of labor room. And if you want it to look like the ones you see on magazines, let your pocket speak.

Give at least 20 minutes of time to foreplay. (You will find that your orgasms are more intense after this extended time of preparation for lovemaking)

Just remember, the most beautiful experience on earth should not be rushed. Foreplay is meant to be fun, so take time and enjoy each other.

Discover what parts of your wife’s body are sensitive to touch and will stimulate her sexually. Areas might include
: lips, neck, breasts, nipples, tummy, back, buttocks, and thighs. Obviously, some of these areas will be pleasurable during foreplay—-others won’t be, so ask.

When your wife is sufficiently stimulated (after 20 minutes of foreplay), begin gentle stimulation of the clitoris. Every woman is different to some degree, so ask her how it feels and make sure stimulation remains pleasurable for her. Use a side-to-side motion with the three middle fingers of your hand to rub the clitoris; ensure there is plenty of lubrication, and that there is just the right amount of pressure on the clitoris.

Women have two areas that provide sexual pleasure (erogenous zones): the clitoris and the vagina

Clitoris: this is the only organ whose sole purpose is to provide sexual pleasure! The areas around the clitoris are highly sensitive; extended foreplay and then stimulation of this area will produce orgasms.

Vagina: the inner area of the vagina is the most sensitive. There is a spot that has caused some confusion over the years, called the g-spot. The g-spot is a zone about two or three inches inside the vagina on the front wall, closest to the clitoris or pubic bone. When aroused, the area swells with blood and becomes rough and raised. This area responds to pressure (not touch), and so deep massaging is the best way to produce an orgasm.

Don’t make having an orgasm your goal. If you do, both you and your spouse will begin lovemaking with this expectation set up that you are trying to reach. Instead, make the goal the experience of making your spouse feel cherished and loved.

The final point is common values. Intimacy will not be produced when values held by husband and wife are in conflict. This is why you should make sure these things are sorted out before marriage.

Sex is good when couples are truly one and share a high level of intimacy. Enjoy it.