Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Should I Apologise and Submit or Move On?

Hi Amara, it's been a while. I have been good. I just have something bothering me about a relationship I just left. I want to be sure I'm doing the right thing here.

I met this guy through a friend of mine about a year ago. We started dating in August, and I remember the first time I met him, I was not physically attracted to him, but I thought my feelings will catch up with me.
He said he was a businessman, and used to be in Nollywood, used to be married, at first said he was divorced, but later said he could not find the papers in court to file for divorce. He said he wanted to marry me, and it wasn't long before he began to preach reasons why I need to be submissive to my man, and gave examples of Bishop Oyedepo, and some other ministers, how their wives are always submissive. I said I did not have a problem with that, but he also turned out to be very jealous. There have been times we have been talking on the phone, and the moment he hears a guy's voice near me, he'll hang up. Later he'll ask who that was, and why they were around me at that time. A colleague of mine dropped me off at my house one morning, and he got very upset, saying my neighbours would not respect me, as they'll be saying guys are always at my house. I lost my brother in August, and this dude took some time off- to be by himself.

To cut a long story short, he gave me an ultimatum, get rid of all your male friends, or cut off the relationship. He has never met any of my friends, male or female, and I encouraged him to meet them, as he would know me better. We had an argument one day, and he said his wife would never have friends, as he is supposed to be my friend. We got into a huge fight in December over this issue of friends and submission, I was more concerned about love in the relationship, and he said when I show him I love him by submitting to him, then he will shower me with love, as that is what the Bible said.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when I recently requested for money I gave him to purchase a piece of land. It seemed he had done something with it, and refused to admit it. He kept telling stories about why I could not have the money now. Money I could not have, receipt for land purchased, I could not have.

He then went off on some tangent talking about how I am jealous, the relationship did not work out, and that was why I was trying to embarrass him. How he was grateful he did not marry me because I am argumentative and all. Later he asked what would happen after he pays the money back, that how would I be able to face his family after. I said I was not interested in the relationship at this point, because he was twisting every story I told him, and was making me out to be a whore. He got very upset, and said many other mean things. He said I was not serious, that I have seen someone that wants to marry me, and I'm acting unserious. Throughout the relationship, we argued a lot. I felt like I was walking on eggshells around him. I had to be careful what I said around him, all the time, so as not to be disrespectful.

Sad news is he has gotten into my head, and I am beginning to feel like maybe I miss him. But I remember we just never really got along, and I always felt a check in my spirit. Do I go back, apologies and submit? Or do I move forward, believing God will bring someone better?

The beauty of relationship is having the freedom to communicate with your partner and be accepted for who you are. Your relationship was strained because you were dating a man who wasn't willing to grow in love with you and be your friend in every sense of the word. 
Perhaps he's looking for his ex wife in you, looking for reasons to suppress you, and reasons to crush your esteem. He seems to be the manipulative type who uses the Bible to control your mindset and won't make any effort to make your relationship work. 
Whether you wish to go back, apologise and submit or move on with your life is entirely up to you. The past experience in your relationship is enough to guide you on what's the best for you. 
If you feel that both of you can work on the friendship in your relationship, you may consider giving it another shot, but where there's no sincerity, honesty, trust, truthfulness and mutual respect for each other, it's advisable for you to move on with your life, work on your flaws, limitations, and shortcomings, and try relationship with another man who is emotionally available for a relationship.

1 comment:

  1. You made a mistake by giving out your money. Such people can never be comfortable around you because he feels you have money. you have seen all the ill sign in the relationship do not attempt going back to him or marriage cos you will live to regret each passing day. help yourself by running away from him. my dear sister flee....


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