Sunday, February 12, 2017

How Do I Apologise for Leaving Him?

Good evening ma, I really appreciate the good work you are doing. Please, I don't know how to handle this challenge.
I was introduced to a guy-A last three years through my priest's wife for marriage, who is the sister to the guy.

At our first meeting, I liked him, was attracted to him, and he fell in love with me immediately (even when he saw me walking down the hallway to the place of the meeting).
After hours of chatting, he said I am everything he wanted in a woman. I pictured having him as a husband, because I was very comfortable and free with him, and that he will make a great husband, because he was not pushy or intimidating. After some months of our meeting, I started seeing the attentions he was giving me as disturbance, he calls more than five times in a day, always trying to be involved in my affairs etc.
Equally, I was turned off by his alcohol drinking habit, like he hangs out with his friends every evening. And I had two other suitors at the same time, I told one of my girlfriend to sample opinion, and she said one of the other suitor is better because he doesn't take alcohol and he is more good looking (but later happens to be a chronic womanizer and a proud fellow).
Also, my mum said that my village people don't marry from the guy-A village, though my mum told one of my uncles about it, and he said that such beliefs doesn't hold in this generation. So, these things made me to break up with the guy-A. Infact I told him that I got engaged and will soon be getting married, and I am ending it because he takes alcohol. And we have been friends on social media since then, in fact, he often chats me up, asking how I and my husband are doing.
Last year, I told him that I am not yet married. And we have been chatting more often. I asked him to come for my birthday, and he said he can't make it because of the distance and his job (like fourteen hours by road) though he takes flight to visit me, but after some hours of asking, he accepted that he will come.
I don't know how to voice it out for him to accept me back, also I don't want to live in the city where he stays. Please how should I go about this, I have silently fallen in love with him in these last three years because of the way he handled the situation. Even his sister was asking me about our wedding plans even after I had break up with him.
Please help me, I want to handle this the best way, for him to know that I am truly sorry for leaving him. Thanks.

There is no better way to express your concern about your decision than for you to open up to him and let him know how you feel, what made you decide to quit the relationship, and what you now realised is what you need in a man. It's not necessarily an apology because you made your decision to move on after considering his drinking habit, and his social life. Though he may have felt hurt but I feel that you made your decision based on what you needed then.
However I want you to have an open mind, and accept whatever becomes the outcome of his decision. This is because when you felt that he wasn't good enough for you, not good looking enough for you according to your friend, when you had suitors worshipping you, when his care and communication were nuisance and disturbance to you, and when his good intentions wasn't good enough for you, you chose to move on with your life.
If he attends your birthday celebration, please make out time for him, be hospitable and try your possible best make him feel comfortable. If possible, make this party a special date for you and your friend.
First, ask him about life and work and other areas of his life, then let him know how you feel about him, and all that has happened ever since you left him. Don't impose your feelings on him, or try to plead for him to accept you back, because he needs some time to decide whether you're really the kind of lady he needs in his life.
He may accept you back or decide to remain friends with you. If he accepts you, maybe you will learn how to create the best out of the available, but if he doesn't, don't lose yourself but accept his decision in good faith, and move on with your life.

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