Monday, February 13, 2017

Should I Continue to Wait for Him?

Good morning ma, I have been following your blog lately, and I say you are doing a good job here.
I have been dating this guy since February 2009 when I was a student, he was staying with his elder sister and was helping her in her business. We believed in each other that things will get better some day.
During my industrial training, I was able to raise and save money, although he contributed to my savings by helping me with my feeding and transportation fees during my IT. I also engaged in hawking goods from banks, office, and company.
I had a little money with me so I thought of helping with his visa to travel abroad. I gave him N600,000 to work his visa not knowing his agent gave him fake visa. We believed in God and we kept on praying.
In 2013, God gave him a contract and he was able to raise money for another visa. He paid for a shop and gave me N500, 000 to buy goods and I also added N300, 000 to the money. Due to the fact that he was not that buoyant enough, he was not able to meet my parents before he travelled, but both families knew each other and our intention to get married. Since he left, I have not had any relationship or sex with another man because I love him so much and I believe am comfortable with the business. He opened the shop for me to pay my bills and take care of myself because he doesn't know if where he is going to will favour him.
Now my nightmare started when he promised that he will come back last December and asked me to pay for a flat from the money I have saved so far which I did, I also did some furnishing. He didn't come back, he also promised easter, he failed also and he promised July for him to get a new visa that will enable him travel to other countries but he was not granted the Visa.
Now am confused, he is coming back cos of me to come and pay my bride price, even the family is begging me to have patience with him, the business is fast growing that it's worth N5,000,000. Since he left, he has not asked me to give any of his relatives money except when his mum was sick. Before he travelled he is a very nice, truthful, loving and caring man. I have asked him to come back so as to apply for another visa, he is still promising me this August. Wat should I do? Still wait for him? My parent is disturbing me to leave abroad husband and am scared men might come to me cos of the money they are seeing, am 28 years now.
People around me sees me as one who is married to him cos his elder sister always come around to check on me. Am scared if I leave him, people will mock and laugh at me and am sacred of starting another relationship cos I don't know what will be the outcome.
Please I need some candid advice from your awesome followers what should I do?

I have been waiting for him till December, he promised to come back second week of December, and he failed then he said ending of December, he also failed and he said new year , yet to no avail. This is what he has been promising me since December 2015, and I think am tired of waiting.
This is a relationship of nine years, I called him this morning to know his plans, he said he is not feeling fine that he doesn't have strength to talk, that he is still looking for money to pay for his over-stay then book his ticket, he said his money is in Nigeria that he has no money there.
I have also suggested to send him the money and also book his flight from the little money he asked me to keep for him, he has also refused. He also asked me to go and talk to my parents last year September so that his people will come and pay my bride price, but my mom refused that he has to be present that this is a modern world that a man will not stay away and marry a girl.
I tired to convince my mom she agreed, and he changed again saying he is coming soon that no need for his people to come. He is always giving me hope that he will come soon, promising to buy me the whole world which am not interested in. I have told him to manage and come back and travel to another country since he was not offered a stay permit. I don't want to waste another year waiting for him, I want to remove his name attached to the business, look for a smaller apartment and move on with my life, and am also thinking about selling everything off and travel abroad to start a life, instead of dying in mockery and shame. I want to also stop his relations from coming close to me so as not to scare guys away from me, I don't want to disturb him again. I want to start keeping another relationship all over again, and am 28 years, don't want to end up in my father's house cos am waiting for abroad husband that have never showed any seriousness, even his close friends advised me last year to wait till December that if he didn't come I should move on with my life, that time waits for nobody.
Now he doesn't talk to me any longer, and his sister is always coming to the shop to visit me. I have been looking for a way to stop her from coming so that I will move on with my life, please friends advice me before I will die of depression.

Thank you for pouring your heart to me, I know that you have been in a terrible stagnant ship called relationship, and from all indications, he no longer share the same vision of the future with you. 
It's possible that he may be battling with some things that he may not wish to reveal to you, it's also possible that he's already married to another lady, or that he's battling with the opinions and perceptions of others if comes back with nothing to show for travelling abroad. 
However, nine years is enough to discern exactly what you're investing your emotions in and define the future of the relationship, and from your mail, it's obvious that there is no future for your relationship. 
My question to you is, why should you allow the opinions of others to ruin your personality and virtues as a lady? Why live in the cage of people's perception when you can break away from impressing anyone and live to the fullness of your vision.
Whether everyone knew about your relationship or not is immaterial, what matters now is your decision to liberate yourself from this stagnation and bondage called relationship. You have invested enough, time, emotions, and finances, and I believe that you deserve better than what you're experiencing with your partner. 
Selling off your investment, or leaving Nigeria for another country won't change anything, but it will only make you a prisoner of your own emotions. If I may suggest, let the family know your decision, and peacefully separate from him, then move on with your life. 
Focus on your business and in making friends, maybe you will find a friend who believes in you and not one who's interested in your wealth. Entrust everything to God in prayers and allow him to perfect that which concerns you. 
You're too beautiful to allow one man to ruin your life, future and destiny. Simply let him go, God will bless you with your own husband.


  1. I disagree with you on this one Amara. that guy maybe having difficulties over there and maybe looking for a way to arrange his papers, you know is not that easy in abroad. #Ella

  2. I will advise you give him this last chance till August,however within the period ensure you get across to him and tell him categorically that you'll quit the relationship latest August 31st if he didn't show up before then.As for his Sister,please manage her till same "expiry" period.I understand your emotional"stagnation" but I pray that God will direct you aright in Jesus name.Be prayeful though.


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