Monday, February 6, 2017

What Will Happen after Wedding?

Good evening ma'am, I appreciate your works and how you give advice to people. I must say it's not easy. More power to your elbow. I want to know what you think of this issue. The guy I intend getting married to revealed something about his past to me. He said the girl he dated before now at one time claimed she was pregnant for him.
So his family suggested that he pays her dowry. Even though he loved the girl then, he was not happy that she became pregnant because he just graduated and was not yet established. After the payment of the dowry I think same day he mistakenly found a used condom in the girl's bag. He was not comfortable with what he saw. So he told his aunt who later related the issue to the girl's family. At first the girl was denying, saying it's a set up, but after series of interrogation she confessed that she was not pregnant for him. It pained him so much because he felt used and fooled.
Ever since he told me this, I have not been myself, am confused and afraid of what might happen in the future after getting married to him. Though he assured me that the issue has been settled and that he has cut every ties with the girl but I found it hard to believe. The family has told him to come collect the dowry but he is yet to do so. He said he will go and collect it before this month ends. He has been begging me to believe him that it was all a mistake that he never planned his life that way and he regrets it. These things happened some three to four years back.
Ma, am yet to relate this issue to my parents because there is an existing issue. My parents said I should not go ahead with him because of the difference in tribe(Delta and Igbo), and faith(Pentecostal and Catholic). He is a nice person and I love him too. But with the this issue he revealed to me, I can't help but think what will become of my future with him. How do I relate this issue to my parents? We've dated close to a year now. Am just asking God to let his will done.
Please ma speak to me I need some advice.

I will work with the information you provided in your mail. He was dating a lady who framed pregnancy on him. After due consultation and investigation, they found out that she was deceptive and manipulative, and the relationship or purported marriage was dissolved. 
I don't think that this should make you worry or lose focus on your conviction in your relationship. The most important thing for him to do is to collect the dowry he paid on the lady before considering getting married to you. 
Should you inform your family about this? I don't feel so. If he had a child with the lady in question, maybe we would have considered that option but from all you wrote, it was merely a failed relationship and nothing else. 
Regarding your family's perception of his state of origin and  church, you are in a better position to let them know your convictions, and thoughts on that. Nobody chose their race, tribe, culture, language, and heritage, so I don't think that it's enough reason for your parents to discourage you from marrying him. 
Remember, your marriage is your journey, meditate on the values and vision for your marriage, and go for a man you're convinced have the attributes and qualities you need to build your home. We can only suggest and recommend but you should be in a better position to decide that which is the best for you.

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