Quite lengthy please bear with me. I started dating this guy last year January, he introduced me to his parents and siblings shortly after as the girl he wants to marry. They liked me maybe it's cos we hailed from the same town and as the only son they didn't want him marrying from a far place.
Everything was going on smoothly till I started noticing he talks anyhow. There are times he would call me fool, goat, mad, stupid all in the name of joke o. I kept on enduring till he asked me one day to snap my breast and send to him, I got mad and told him it was over, he begged and begged that he was just joking and promised to work on himself, we continued. I noticed he's a great guy but the flaw he has is that he jokes a lot not minding the situation at hand.
Fast forward to last month, we had a misunderstanding, and we didn't talk to each other for a week, he started calling to make enquiries about a business I did for him. When I wasn't picking up he called my friend who informed him that I had an accident and was admitted in the hospital.
He started calling me, asking how I was and all, I was angry that he had to know about the accident through my friend, coupled with the fact that he wasn't even calling to check up on me but his business before he found out about the accident. Out of Anger I told him 'to let me be and stop pretending he cared about me', He didn't come to see me at the hospital, though we stay in different states but even at that! Didn't send any token to support with drugs and he stopped calling with excuse that I asked him to let me be.
His pastor cautioned him seriously and was very upset with him for not coming to see me in the hospital, his excuse was that my family are taking care of me over here. It was just his elder sister that was calling to check up on me.
I was even the one who called to tell him that I've been discharged, was also shocked when he told me his parents were aware of what happened and none of them ever dialed my number, a girl your son wants to marry. Funny thing is that his mum didn't see anything wrong with the way he jokes a lot. I let it go. Next he told me is that I'm hot tempered and I get angry easily, for that reason he's opting out of the relationship. Not minding that I was still healing physically and emotionally from the fracture injury and needed him the most.
I cried and begged that I have not given up on him, forgetting the ill treatment he gave me when I was in the hospital and I was willing to work on my temperament he complained of, he called me a dreamer, that he has moved on, and I should also do the same. This temper he's talking about is not like I destroy things or say things to which I start regretting later, the temper he's talking about is that I take his expensive jokes too serious, he doesn't want to be like his married colleagues who stay at the office after closing hour instead of going home to their wives, that every other thing about me is good but he can't cope with a lady that takes things too serious.
After much pleadings, he agreed I could come visit him in the state where he resides so we could see, talk, and see how it goes but I shouldn't mention it to anyone with reasons best known to him as he refused to tell me. Even at that, he calls once in a week to ask if I'm healing.
Today he chatted me up, asking when I would be coming, I told him I don't know the exact date but he kept on pressing. I inquired to know if he wanted to travel or had other plans to know if I could adjust the time I planned on coming cos I wanted to visit an aunt of mine in a different state before going to see him which he agreed to initially.
Just today he said I should come see him before going to see my aunt, I asked why again and it was the same 'reason best known to me' answer. And I asked that he should at least carry me along in his plans reminding him that I respected his decision of not to tell our mutual friends or anyone about my coming to see him, and now he's bringing up another selfish suggestion without letting me know why. He replied that if I'm not okay with his suggestion I should cancel my coming to see him!
Ma I love this man and I'm willing to make it work, but he's totally lost respect for me, doesn't call me, can stay more than a week without calling me, talks anyhow to me without looking back.
The relationship is no longer like it used to. He makes my coming to visit him look like he's doing me a favour not because he wants us to resolve our issues.
Ma Amara, my dear readers too, what do I do? Do you think it's necessary I still see him and have a heart to heart talk? I suspect he might have started seeing someone else cos of his attitude, and the way he talks to me eh, even if I offended him he shouldn't behave like that to someone you love, a guy that couldn't stay a day without hearing from me. I don't just know what to do, please help! Advice me.
Thank you.
Everyone has one form of weakness or another, and a relationship is meant to be a platform where partners support one another, not where one person manipulates the other.
Though you may not agree with my opinion, the simple truth is that your relationship is dead already. He's only manipulating and controlling you to his own advantage because he knows how much you love him.
The very moment he communicates with codes like 'reason best known to me', it's time for you to take a walk from the relationship.
Don't date a man who constantly reminds you of your weaknesses but does nothing to help you become better.
Don't date a man who doesn't take your health and well-being as a priority over romance and his personal interest.
Don't beg to be with a man simply because you love him, if he doesn't see any virtue or value in you, there is no need forcing yourself on him.
You deserve better, but you know better than I do.
Goodluck.
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