Saturday, April 15, 2017

My Mum Vows to Deal with Hubby!

Good day ma, I so much appreciate all the good jobs you've done. Please ma I need your help, I will be 30 years of age this month April. It happens that I am secretly married
legally to my first love,
we got married 19th of February 2016, the reason we got married secretly was because my mother never supported both of us getting married for no reasonable reasons. Her excuses are, he is not rich enough to take good care of me, and I tried to talk to her and beg her, even sought help from my aunty to talk to her but she insisted never to allow me get married to him.
But ma this is the person I love so much and he loves me too, all his family members likes me and sees me as his wife because they all knew I am legally married to their son.
Ma my fear and worries now is based on two things,
1) my husband chose to come pay my bride price this year September which we're already preparing and buying things for the traditional wedding, but my mum still insisted never to allow it happen, that if my husband eventually come to pay she will personally deal with him (2) How will my in-laws feels when they find out my mum is not in support or even my mum is not aware of the court marriage we did? 
I have known him since 2001, we are now 17 years in relationship but one year in secret marriage.
Ma please I am confused, I need your advise on what to do. Please my dear reader I also need your help. God bless you all.

Your court wedding is an agreement between you, your husband, and your witnesses. Though you ought to have cleared the dowry part before court wedding but your court wedding stands. 
In many tradition, men are the ones in charge of traditional rites and not the mother or women. So what you need is to canvass for the support of your kinsmen and family elders, and explain your concerns to them. They are in a better position to talk to your mother and persuade her to support your marriage. Once you have their support, you don't need to worry or panic about your mother's perception or fears. 
If for seventeen years she have decided to frustrate your marriage, I doubt if you will be able to convince her at this point. She may have genuine fears but imposing them on you is inappropriate and unfair. 
Talk to your kinsmen, and also consider talking to her Church pastor or a respected individual who has the capability to influence her thoughts in your favor. 
Once you get your kinsmen to support your marriage, you can go right ahead with the marriage preparations. Please try your best not to expose your mother's insecurities to your husband or talk negatively about your mother to your in-laws. 
Everything will be sorted out with patience, wisdom and understanding, you don't need to panic or be worried.

1 comment:

  1. Enter your comment...How can u be 17yrs in a relationship when u re getting up to 30 this yr? That shows child abuse so ur mom is right in a way. I understand her anger towards ur hubby bcos he started dating u while u were still a minor according to ur post. Therefore, appologise to her well well n also ask ur hubby to do d same bcos no parent will support such. It seems u were stubborn probably when she was trying to pull u out of a relationship as a minor. Beg her more. She wants d best for u.


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