Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Should I Consider His Marriage Offer?

Good morning Aunty Amara. Please MA, I have something that is bothering me and I need your advice, so that I don't make a mistake that I will regret.
Ma there is this guy that I have been friends with for over five years now, he has been asking me out for long but I refused his offer.
Even though he knows I was in a relationship, he will still hang around, hoping that one day things will turn around.
Ma, here is where I am confused, I accepted to date him earlier this year after I broke up with my ex based on tribal difference. Ma, he wants to come and see my people when he comes back by October, but he is of the opinion that I will not live with him, he will be in another country while I stay in Nigeria for four years, not like he hasn't gotten his paper.
Also MA, he doesn't on his own decide to ask me how I am faring or if I need anything, and I don't want to ask him so that he won't see it that I am too demanding, but I expect him on his own to ask me things like this even without me asking. Everytime he will be telling me how he sent this and that to his family. He will just end it that he doesn't like materialistic girls.
Ma I like him enough to settle with him but the issue is that I am not okay with living like I am single while I am married since we won't be living together, and also I don't want to end up with someone who is stingy or someone who can't provide for my needs. Ma what do I do in this situation please?

You raised two important issues that loving him enough to settle down with him won't be of help to you if you should ignore them and continue with him. 
The first which is the most important is his decision to keep you in Nigeria after wedding. Since you are not comfortable with being a married single woman, I feel that there is no need for you to consider marriage with him because no matter how much he sends to you, it won't make love to you when you are horny, no matter how many times he calls you, it won't fill the void when you need his presence. 
Secondly, if he doesn't care about your feelings, your needs, and your well-being, I doubt if he will suddenly change and become the most romantic man on earth. I mean how sure are you that he's not married to another lady there for papers sake or for fun sake. 
You are the only one who knows exactly what attracted you to him and the qualities that he possesses which assures you that marriage will be cool with him, but the two issues that you raised here are deal breakers if he's not willing to compromise on his stand. 
Please open up to him and let him know your thoughts and opinions with respect to his plans, if he's not willing to compromise, then you may need to move on with your life.

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